Broken Black Heart
by astridt244
Summary: Jacob is hurt and angry when he first phases and sees Bella was involved with vampires. In the 2 weeks that he's gone wolf, Bella meets Paul and a bond forms between them. - This is a dark romance. The story itself will be angsty, dark, and emotional. NOT a polyamory. Bella will choose either Jacob or Paul. *The end pairing is yet to be revealed.* (Important: On Temporary Hiatus.)
1. Summary and Notes

_**Dear Readers,**_

_**I will make notes to refer back to this chapter in case anyone has any questions as the story progresses. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.**_

_**Hugs! **_

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_**Disclaimer: The characters and all recognizable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - This is a work of fan fiction.**_

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**Broken Black Heart**

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**Summary and Extra Notes**

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_Jacob is hurt and angry when he first phases; he finds out that Bella was involved with a vampire. Paul forms a bond with Bella while Jacob is absent in her life. **Dark Story.**_

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Jacob leaves for 2 weeks, he goes wolf, doesn't phase back after his first phase, and leaves. (More details in an early chapter). Paul dislikes Bella for more than one reason, and despite himself, he forms a bond with her. The story is mostly in Jacob and Paul's POV.

This story will be completed. That I can promise everyone.

It also has imprinting in it, not the traditional BAM! Instant love imprinting… if that's the kinds of fanfics a reader likes I do not want to disappoint. That's not what happens here. So, please, don't flame me if the issue has already been addressed. My story isn't going to be for everyone. It is a Dark Romance, angst, anger, sexual situations, language, etc. it is rated M.

_**Side Note:** _The timeline is_** Non-Canon**. _The story is_** Non-Canon/AU.**_

**Now the topic of imprinting:** In this story imprinting is extremely rare; it isn't going to happen to all the wolves. The imprinter and the imprinted have to both be open and receptive for an imprint. When a partial imprint takes place the wolf and the man don't understand, they feel the connection, but it's not a full imprint. The true Alpha of the pack cannot imprint. He is the chief of the tribe, the leader of his people, and responsible for everyone's safety against the vampires and all threats. One single person cannot be his whole universe. His wolf will recognize who he believes would be his perfect mate and guide the man in her direction.

**The pairing:** Who Bella ends up with will not be revealed until later in the story. The story will unfold, the characters will grow and change, and then she will be with who she is meant to be with. This created an issue for me; I didn't want to spoil the end and give away what wolf she ends up with. How can I fix that? So I tried putting it as a Jacob/Paul story, and I didn't get many readers. I can see why, it may seem like this is Slash, again… This is **NOT **slash. So my problem continued, until _Lucyferina _made a suggestion that I think is a better option. She suggested that whoever she bonds with the most (with each new chapter that I add) I should make that the pairing. So if Bella and Paul are bonding, or the chapter is centered on them, then I should change the pairing to them and vice-versa. The ending is still a mystery, and I'm explaining "why" in this long summary/author's note. I hope any and all questions have been answered as far as the ideas behind this story. Thank you for giving it a chance and reading.


	2. Intro

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight. (That includes names, places, everything Twilight does not belong to me…)**

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_"Trembling,_

_Crawling across my skin._

_Feeling your cold, dead eyes,_

_Stealing the life of mine..."_

_- Benjamin Burnley_

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Burning heat.

Searing pain.

Throbbing, pulsing rage.

Bones breaking over and over again.

Misery.

Suffering.

No one told me I was destined to be a shifter; _a wolf_. Not my father, not the tribal council, no one deemed it necessary to inform me that if I gave in to my anger just enough, I would transform agonizingly slow into a wolf. Instead, the privilege was thrust upon me when I came home from a night out with the girl of my dreams, my best friend… _my Bella._

Fucking Mike Newton. If he ever crosses my path again I'm going to tear his arms off and beat him to death with them.

Sam, the acting Alpha, re-tells the legends I heard time and time again as a child during the council bonfires. If only I had known the truth that was woven into those legends.

_Vampires_.

The Cullen's always did make my skin crawl; especially the selfish, sparkly, revolting piece of shit corpse, Edward.

Not only does the stand-in Alpha forbid me from seeing the girl that I love with every fiber of my being, but he and the rest of the pack replay memories of when they found her in the woods - laying on the cold, wet grass, hair matted to her face, soaked from the rain, repeating over and over how the fucking leech was gone.

Pouring acid on to my ripped up heart.

Thinking about him anywhere near my Bella causes the blood in my veins to burn with toxic hate. The image of her catatonic over the Cullen leech and the realization of what she was doing with me were too much.

Too much for my heart, too much agony to think about, entirely too damn much. _She was using me._

Every time she looked at me with her blank, lifeless eyes, every forced half smile, every cool touch, every fucking thing was a lie. _He may not have killed her, but he drained her soul from her small body._

When all was revealed, I ran as far as my legs would take me. Letting the wolf take over and consume me. It's been two weeks since I left; skirting around the Canadian border, listening to the others try and convince me to come back home. Sam's pathetic repeated attempts to command me back to my father. Very manipulative using guilt to lure me into returning.

Fury rips through me. Maybe it's about time the _temporary_ Alpha receive a warning.

_'You forget Sam; I am the true Alpha, the Black blood pulses through my veins. We both know whose bloodline is the strongest. Push me to come back, or use my father against me one more time, and I will knock you off your fucking high horse.'_

I feel him leave the pack mind. Probably phasing to be with his imprint, Emily. Yet another choice stolen, the ability to choose who you love. I don't want to be brainwashed to worship a stranger. Sam may be happy with his imprint, but I refuse to allow anything else to be snatched away from me. Fuck imprinting.

As much as I hate Bella's lies, I still love her, even more than when I left. It hurts so damn much to be away from her.

None of the other pack members have tried to come find me; they know better. My wolf is bigger, stronger, and more feral than any of the others. Even Sam's wolf does not hold a candle next to mine.

After running aimlessly for some time, lost in thought, I found myself in a familiar wooded area. _I'm in Forks._ How the fuck did I end up here? As I slowed my pace to a trot, I indulge in the feel of the earth underneath my paws.

A scent invades my nose causing me to stop before I reach Bella's house... _there's another wolf here._

I see him, but he is distracted and not paying attention to his surroundings. He is across the street, in human form, watching her as she sits by her bedroom window reading a book.

The wolf is livid. A threatening growl erupts forcefully into the air, causing all wildlife nearby to scatter.

_Why the fuck is Paul watching Bella?_

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Verse from Song: Dance with the Devil

Artist: Breaking Benjamin

Album: Phobia


	3. Chapter 1 Unexpected Crushing Hurt

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

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**A/N: The Intro took place 2 weeks after Jake left. Hopefully there is no confusion, but if there is send me a PM.**

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_" See the safety of the life you have built_

_Everything where it belongs_

_Feel the hollowness inside your heart_

_And it's right where it belongs... "_

_- Trent Reznor_

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**Chapter 1 - Day 1 - Unexpected Crushing Hurt**

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**-Bella-**

Jacob is gone.

Leaving me abandoned once again.

It shouldn't surprise me, but the hurt that came with Jacob's absence is all consuming, more so than the pain I felt before.

I wasn't good enough for him when I was whole. Why did I even try to entertain the idea that the shattered remnants of who I am now would be enough for Jake?

Charlie said a day without him won't kill me, Billy said he's sick and having company around for now isn't wise.

They are both lying.

I don't know why or how, but I can feel that he left. Its as if the farther away he's getting, the more my lungs tighten in a vise grip. I want to breathe; it doesn't seem like I can. The suffocating black hole in my heart is back, only far worse. Ed – _his_ voice disappeared. I wanted to let it go.

After I came home last night from my "friend" date with Jake, his words replayed in my mind while I lay in bed; he was honest and sincere about his feelings. He knows I care for him, more so than I thought I did. I could love him; a part of me already did...

Thinking about his breathtaking smile brought a warm feeling around my heart, the beautiful color of his skin, the dexterity and softness of his hands, his all consuming, loving hugs; everything about him felt like home.

I wanted to see how we could be together. Jacob said he would never hurt me like _he_ did.

My decision came too little too late.

Now, he's gone. The voice I both cherished and loathed has quieted as well. And the hole is bigger, deteriorating the battered thing in my chest that shouldn't even be considered a heart anymore.

I grip the full Aspirin bottle tightly. _Would this be such a bad way to die?_

I'm too much of a chicken-shit to jump off this cliff. So many things could go wrong and I might end up paralyzed for the rest of my life. Anything requiring watching myself bleed is out of the question. I would end up panicking and calling for help.

The fatigue that has been building for long suddenly overwhelms me; a sigh escapes my lips. I just want to sleep. I haven't truly slept in so long.

A melodic laugh cracks through my thoughts, "This was far too easy."

I recognized who it was immediately. Someone who I thought was long gone, a voice I could never forget. _Victoria_. Maybe this is another figment of my imagination, a different illusion since _his_ is no longer present. Slowly rising up, I turn, facing the direction in which the musical voice is coming from. _She's there_ - not a hallucination, but physically ten feet away from me. Fiery hair blowing in the wind, crouched in the feline manner that is hers alone and her grotesquely beautiful face tilted up inhaling with her mouth open.

Her ravenous onyx eyes meet mine, "Your scent is still unbelievably exquisite dear Isabella. I can hear the succulent nectar coursing through your veins. Draining every drop from body will be a positively delectable experience." - her features change, becoming more monstrous; her menacing smile sends chills throughout my body - "I've saved my hunger just for you, for this very moment."

My knees buckled under the startling relief spreading through me at those words; _she is doing me a favor_. No more deciding how to end this desolate, meaningless half-life. A breeze slips by carrying with it the salty smell of the ocean and everything that reminds me of Jacob and La Push; I greedily fill my lungs once more and close my eyes.

_Jake_.

A horrific shriek suddenly pierces my ears; my hands automatically rise up shielding them from the sickening, high-pitched noise. I force my eyes open and attempt to absorb the scene taking place in front of me...

Victoria on fire, held off the ground, her throat gripped tightly by a massive Native American man. Her blazing body contorting, twisting trying in vain to free itself; her long fingernails clawing, tearing at the arm holding her prisoner.

I can't move. I want to run, but every muscle in my body is frozen in place.

The bright flames caress her torso, continuing to incinerate her glimmering pale skin. The man releases her from his grasp once her wailing ceased, his chest heaving violently, the flesh on the hand that was holding Victoria's neck is burned; his forearm is dripping deep crimson blood. An involuntary gasp from me breaks the silence. He looks in my direction, his eyes are a luminous yellow color. Whatever he is, it isn't human. He can't be, not after killing Victoria and surviving the wounds he obtained.

The man strides over to where I am, picks me up, sniffs my hair, and walks back into the forest.

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**-Paul-**

Stupid, selfish fucking leech-loving bitch. For whatever reason, she attracts those damn things like flies on rotten food. Thankfully the redhead was distracted, taunting the leech-lover. There was no possible way I could have phased without drawing her attention, then she would have escaped _again_. Our scent is nowhere near as potent to those things in human form as it is in wolf form.

The lighter Sam ordered us to keep in our pocket at all times really came in handy; one of his smarter ideas. It hurt like a motherfucker when my hand was burning, and when she was taking chunks out of my arm, but all that pain was worth it. Killing this leech brought a stronger peaceful feeling within.

_Strange_.

All the injuries are already healing. Little leech-lover is holding onto my neck like her pathetic life depends on it... Huh. I guess it does in a way. I wasn't really focused on her when I picked her up. Truthfully, I don't know what the hell happened. The wolf took over, and I wasn't even phased. That's never happened to me before; I'm not even sure how it's possible. The protective side of him amplified toward her; he was incensed at the bloodsucker being so close to her. He's never reacted to anyone in the way he did with _her_. The wildflower and strawberry scent coming from her feels like it's forcing itself to etch into my brain.

Curiosity gets the best of me and I chance a peek down at her - _she's not half bad looking, smooth porcelain skin, petite frame, long chestnut hair, plump lips; Jake's memories really don't do her justice... but those dark circles under her eyes show she needs more sleep_ -

What the fuck? Where the hell is that coming from?

I shake those bizarre thoughts out of my head. She's the Cullen's leftovers, not some innocent girl. She used Jacob, that's why he's stayed wolf and ran away. Hell she's fucking suicidal; not defending herself or saying a damn thing to the abomination ready to kill her. All she did was slump down and wait for her end. The bottle of Aspirin left behind on the ground did not go unnoticed. It was an even bigger indicator as to why she was at the cliffs alone. I've seen the look in her eyes before. Someone wanting to end their life so badly they would do anything to make it happen.

It still doesn't make it any less unsettling, especially from someone as young as she is.

The damn wolf is stirring. He wants to sniff her again.

_Not going to happen buddy_. I'm taking her back to the chief's house and leaving.. I won't ever think about this shit again. None of the pack need to know I helped her, especially not Jake. Baby Alpha doesn't need any more baggage; he's already carrying around enough.

Being phased has been nothing short of a migraine since he went all wolf; an endless loop of "Bella" memories and fantasies. Some of those thoughts are disturbing even for me, and I've seen and done more than my fair share of fucked up shit. A couple of times I had to phase back human and continue my patrol that way. Not smart, but our strength is still equal to a vampire's, and surpasses theirs in wolf form. Being in his mind after a while turns out to be more than a lot of the pack can handle. _Why would Jake think about this crazy chick so much?_ After all the grief she put him through and the past he saw with the Cullen's, there's no sensible reason as to why anyone who wasn't her family would put up with her.

_So why do I feel this humming pull now that she's in my arms?_

It's nothing. I saved her life and I've never interacted with people after helping them.

When we arrive at her truck I open the passenger door, maneuver her in the seat, and buckle her in. I walk around to the driver side, turn the ancient truck on, and haul ass to Forks. The faster we get there, the sooner I can rid myself of this girl.

_This is too much fucking trouble for her. I should have just left once the redhead was a pile of ash, and let her do what she wanted instead of all this shit. No one is going to find out about this. I'll never hear the end of it, from Sam or the pack, and definitely not from baby Alpha. He'll want to know every single fucking detail and obsess even more than he already does about her._

Her smell is overpowering my senses in this cramped space. The stupid fucking wolf is begging for another sniff. _Moron. _I open the window, letting the fresh air circulate most of her scent outside.

_Why the fuck is he acting like that?_

It's just a girl, you'd think he'd never been around a girl before. I was so wrapped in my thoughts, I didn't notice when she shuffled in her seat scooting closer to me. When she leaned over and pressed her body against my side, it stirred up that goddamn humming pull again.

Her cool breath creates goose bumps on my arm, "Thank you."

_Say something asshole, anything, pick a fucking topic..._ The chief's house comes into view. _Thank God_. I need to get the fuck away from whatever the hell this shit is. After parking her truck, I rip open the door and try to make a run for it. Her soft voice stops me from taking another step toward the tree line. I close my eyes, willing myself to not turn around and look at her face.

Her shoes loudly crunch the leaves on the ground, coming closer toward me. Her small fingers wrap around my hand.

"I wish I knew who you were. I can tell you don't want me to know. It's just... the way I was feeling when Victoria was going to kill me... isn't as painful now as it was on top of the cliff. It still hurts, but - _I don't even know why I'm telling you this_ - not as unbearably as it did."

She starts to let go; I snatch her hand back and rub my thumb on the back of it, a stupid attempt to give her some kind of comfort. "As hard as you think life is, it isn't as bad as it could be. No one is worth ending your life over, especially not a dead thing. Think about your father, your mother, your friends; your death would hurt them all. Don't be selfish."

I want to stop. I want her to leave more than I need my next breath of air… I just **can't** release her.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Her question catches me off guard. There isn't a single response I can give her that makes sense.

"I doubt we will ever cross paths again. You don't have to hide from me. I just want to see your face one more time before you disappear too."

The wolf rouses, demanding that I comply with her request. After thinking for a brief moment I don't see any harm in it. Maybe then I can get out of this situation and get my happy ass back to the res.

I pry my hand out of hers and turn around; her eyes are cast down, staring intensely at the ground.

"Look up."

She wrings her fingers together, tips her head, and our eyes meet.

The humming feeling gets stronger; I can feel myself drowning in her milk chocolate orbs. Her heart is hammering away in her small chest. She exhales, reaches her fingers up to my cheek, lightly tracing my face as if she's memorizing every part. The wolf purrs in contentment at her feathery touch.

I snap myself out of her trance and run as fast as I can. Far away from her, from whatever just happened.

_I need to go home. NOW._

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_Verse from Song: Right Where it Belongs_

_Artist: Nine Inch Nails_

_Album: With Teeth_


	4. Chapter 2 Swallowed by Torment

**Do Not Own Twilight! It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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_"In this place it seems like such a shame_

_Though it all looks different now_

_I know it's still the same_

_Everywhere I look you're all I see_

_Just a fading fucking reminder of who I use to be…"_

_-Trent Reznor_

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**Chapter 2 - Swallowed by Torment**

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Broken, shattered glass.

Such a simple, clear sound. Yet it makes the large wolf's blood boil in rage. The noise closely resembles sinking his teeth into a bloodsucking demon's marble skin. The taste left behind on the wolf's tongue is a mix of spoiled-clotted milk and melted sugar - _revolting_.

The thrill of chasing a parasite is indescribable; coupled with the satisfaction the wolf exhibits when the cursed abomination is pulverized beneath his sheer strength is utterly euphoric. At random times, the obvious bluish-purple mist dances into the sky. No matter how far away the russet wolf is, as soon as the faint streak sways into the clouds, something closely resembling serenity consumes him.

However, all too soon that feeling dissipates. The heart break of the man buried inside continues to be ever present. The only comfort the wolf can provide for his master is the ability to keep him safe; shielding him from much of the anguish caused by the beautifully tortured pale girl.

The wolf lay dormant within the man for longer than expected. From the moment the small sad brunette appeared in his life he felt peace; a sense of acceptance and belonging. He knew the angel standing there belonged by his side. That was enough to sate the wolf, keeping him caged in the young man's soul. But, like all restrained wild animals, a cage can only serve its purpose for a limited amount of time.

The wolf was growing within, snarling at being contained, eager to be set free.

One slip of fury. The young man was forever changed. Those naive rose-colored glasses with which he once viewed the world were violently ripped away. He transformed incredibly slow. His pain unmeasured, his misery boundless. The pack watched from a safe distance as their soon to be brother writhed in agony on the grass, behind the little red house.

Once the phase completed, the young man's trusting, innocent nature was gone. What was left behind was a savage, behemoth sized russet wolf sorrowfully howling at the full moon.

The wind picks up around the small clearing; he lies near a stream, allowing his form to rest. The man closed himself deep within the wolf; frantically trying, desperately wanting to forget the insurmountable love and hurt he feels for the small pale brunette that is the keeper of the beating organ in his chest. The wolf has allowed some of the dreams and memories of the man to enthrall him.

He yearns for the petite brunette. For her touch, her embrace, for her to yield to him in every luscious way a woman can yield to a man. He craves to taste her skin, to make her quiver with pleasure and pain. The wolf unknowingly loses himself in a dream the man is currently experiencing…

_... The small brunette is nude, bound by her hands, lying on her back, blindfolded. The man stands in front of his bed, his dark eyes drinking in the very tempting sight before him. His jeans are hanging low on his hips, unbuttoned, unzipped, his manhood straining, pulsing, aching to be buried deep inside the haunting goddess. He wants to be gentle with her, he wants to love her the way a man should show a woman she is loved; but that is not what will happen. Instead he readily gives in to wolf's primal urges; he drowns himself with the need to show her who she belongs to._

_The delicate brunette's arousal saturates the air in the room, seducing him as drops of her essence leak onto the white sheets. He reaches for her ankle and drags her body down the bed toward him. The man speaks, his deep voice exuding dominance, "You will not come until I say you can."_

_The brunette whimpers; her increasing lust hitting him with such a force it creates a lust-filled haze. The man gathers his bearings, turns the brunette over onto her flat stomach, and raises her hips; guiding her into the submissive position. He leans over, his hot breath tickling her ear as he speaks once more, "I am going to punish you now. Are you ready for the pain you have been begging for? For me to take what is mine?"_

_The small brunette can't think. She tries to utter a word… any word… but she cannot find the will to respond. She has never been handled like this. It sends electric shivers up her spine and causes her to throb with excruciating need. She wants this, the rapturous pain; her desire for the powerful man behind her is climbing heights she never dreamed possible._

_The man takes a precious moment to breathe in deeply, relishing the sweet scent that solely belongs to his seductress. __He smooths his large hand over the curve of her bottom. She moans quietly. He slaps the brunette's bottom, hard enough to sting deliciously, her groans echo through the room. He continues the punishment; with every titillating blow to her ivory skin the ache in his jeans strengthens. Holding on to his sanity proves to be difficult. Everything about her is driving him mad, beckoning him to take what is rightfully his. He stops and admires the lush pink color of her bottom, covered in his markings. A smile forms on his lips; he is thoroughly pleased._

_He wraps his hands around the brunette's hips, and rubs the tip of his engorged manhood over her heated, slick folds …_

... The wolf escapes the erotic dream and returns to reality. Once he began to indulge himself with those thoughts, he found he agreed with most of what his master wanted. Then the wolf began to covet something else - something he feels is far more imperative than the man's hormonal needs.

The wolf desires to claim her, to mark her as **his** mate.

The man still needed time away from his home. He is devastated over all that has come to pass. The knowledge that was forced into his mind concerning the small girl, and the truths imposed upon him were emotionally crippling. The one who holds both his and the wolf's heart once loved a vampire.

He abhors this particular piece of information.

_How could she have willingly desired a cold, dead, soulless demon by her side? Did she not realize how they lured their prey? How their very aura is compared to the most potent of opiates for a human?_

The wolf releases a lupine yawn; he needs rest. Allowing his lethargy to carry him proves to be difficult, something is off balance. _A coming change_. There is nothing he can recall that could have possibly prompted such a thing to snake its way into his mind.

In the end, he concedes to focus on his master; already in the throes of another dream. Once again he is swallowed into the place where his beloved dark-haired beauty awaits…

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_Verse from Song: Something I Can Never Have_

_Artist: Nine Inch Nails_

_Album: Pretty Hate Machine_


	5. Chapter 3 A Curious Addiction

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

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_"Hatred is the madness of the heart."_

_-Lord Byron_

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**Chapter 3 - Day 2 - A Curious Addiction**

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**-Paul-**

_"… 989, 990, 991, 992, 993, 994, 995, 996, 997, 998, 999 -"_

_"Paul, why have you been counting since you phased to patrol?"_

_"Don't worry about it Sam… 1000, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 -"_

_"This is getting ridiculous. What the hell happened yesterday? Why are you trying so fucking hard to guard your thoughts?"_

_"… 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22 - Nothing. Now **back **off."_

_"Would this have anything to do with why you stank like a leech at the pack meeting this morning?"_

_"24, 26, 28, 30, 32… You know what Sam? Fuck you. I said back the hell off, and you keep meddling in shit that's none of your damn business. Finish the patrol however you want. I'm phasing out."_

Why the fuck couldn't he just stay out of it? I put on my shorts and kept walking, continuing my patrol in human form to keep my focus off the little leech-lover was harder than I thought it was going to be. Her goddamn scent is cemented deep in my brain. After I got home yesterday I tried a few different methods to keep me fixated on something else and the pack out of my mind. Counting was the only thing that worked. As stupid as it sounds it kept everything about _her _and all the shit that happened from popping up in my head.

With all this going on, I've been on edge today; snapping at everyone, and trying to shake off an uneasy feeling something isn't right. I don't know what the hell it is, but it's pissing me off. Everything is pissing me. Running along the border isn't helping me find any clarity, counting isn't helping at all in human form; and the traitor wolf has been irking the shit out of me. All he wants is to smell her again. _How fucking pathetic is that?_

A light breeze carrying a wildflower and strawberry scent crashes into me, searing itself into my senses. It was so unexpected my steps faltered and I lost my balance. I leaned against the nearest tree, attempting to center myself.

_She's here._ And she's close.

Sniffing the air, I try to determine which way her scent is coming from. It seems to be swirling in from different paths, almost like she was wandering around the woods.

_Shit. Fucking brainless, self-centered, suicidal girl!_

I could leave her out here. I haven't seen her; I don't need to look for her. I can just go home and pretend she wasn't anywhere near me.

Oh who the fuck am I kidding? Of course I'm going to go look for her, what other goddamn choice do I have?

I try harder to pinpoint the exact location where her scent is the strongest. It's seems to be more concentrated on the trail leading to Third Beach. No one on the res goes there for much; in fact it's mostly deserted. Secluded. Away from everyone and any help at all. What is she doing there? After yesterday? After saving her useless little ass?

The growing ire threatens to consume me, causing me to linger on the fine violent line of phasing. I need to put a lid on it. I can't phase, not with Baby Alpha and Sam still out there. If I give in to the urge now they will know everything.

Calm down. Take a breath and focus - _Damn she smells good._

Her scent washes away the majority of my anger. Before I realize, it my feet start moving, heading straight for her.

* * *

There she was sitting on the sand, shoulders slumped, and barely moving. If I wasn't able to clearly hear her heartbeat, I would have thought she was dead. Seeing her like that almost made me feel sympathy for her. _Almost _being the operative word.

She asked for this. Associating with leeches, chewing Jake up and spitting him out like he was nothing, then attempting to ending her life. Yeah there's no possible way for me to feel sorry for her. All the shit that's come down on her is because of decisions she made of her own free will. Even after the leeches left, she pined after them so much it was downright despicable.

She let out a soft sigh, "I know you're there."

Shit. How long have I been standing here? _Go. Talk to her. _No. Fuck you. Traitor fucking wolf.

She turns around, still sitting on the sand, and takes her time staring at me. If I didn't know better I would think that she was checking me out, however I do know better. This is leech-lover Swan; she likes cold corpse boys, not men who actually need to eat, sleep, and breathe.

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She seems lifeless. No spark within her, just - _off_.

"I looked for you… in the woods I mean."

"I know, I smelled you." I didn't even think twice before responding. Why the hell did I tell her that? Why not just phase and give away the entire pack secret while I'm at it. Stupid.

"You're not human. I get it. It's okay. Not really sure what you are, but it can't be too bad. You didn't kill me yesterday. You had the chance to, but you didn't." - her hollow laugh caused a twinge of pain to form around my heart - "I still can't believe you killed Victoria. No idea how you did it, but I am grateful. And… well… I can keep a secret. I won't tell anyone about you."

I snort at that comment and try as hard as I can to ignore the small ache.

The anger from earlier slowly creeps back in, "Of course you can. You kept dead boy's secret, and surprise, you still managed to get fucked over by that _thing_. You didn't say anything about what he was even after he left you in the woods to get lost and die." - clenching my fists, I try and control the rising fury at her stupidity - "You know now that we are talking and sharing like a couple of BFF's, I was wondering about that. What the hell were you thinking? Do you not listen to that voice in your head when it hollers that you're in danger of being drained?"

She gets up and slowly walks toward me. Her eyes never leaving mine as she cautiously lessens the space between us. "He wasn't dangerous. Not really. I mean I knew what he was. I figured it out on my own and it just didn't bother me. I know what it sounds like... but I thought he loved me. He said I was his singer and-"

"His what?"

"His singer."

"What the fuck is that?"

She starts to worry her bottom lip with her teeth and tucks some of her hair behind her ear. Her heart rate increases and the small space of air between us picks up the slight stale scent of fear. _What the hell is up with this girl?_ It seems like every few minutes she's suffering from a panic attack.

This whole situation is fucked up. I'm a masochistic bastard for seeking her out, and my wolf is a traitor who is a glutton for punishment. I rub my hands on my face. Irritation, confusion, and anger course through me. Not a good combination of emotions.

I hear her take a deep breath, then she starts talking again, "It means my blood calls to him, sort of like a siren's song. It draws - well drew him in. His definition for it was, I'm his own personal brand of heroin."

My jaw drops.

Did I say she was suicidal? What I obviously meant was psychotic, emotionally unbalanced, and blind.

"Are you fucking serious? You mean to tell me you stayed around them, fell for him like it was the most sane thing to do, and he had more than one reason to **want **to kill you? Your blood is like vampire crack? Do you have a death wish? Or are you just a moron?"

She glares at me, "Don't call me that, and stop assuming things. I loved him. He was everything-"

"No. Stop right there. Don't give me that shit. He wasn't 'everything' and you didn't 'love' him. He worked the fucking dazzle shit that they do on you, genius. Every damn one of those things has whatever the dazzle trick which lures unsuspecting humans to them. You're food to them Bella. Food, a walking skin-bag of blood. Not a girlfriend or a friend or a fuck buddy or whatever else you thought you were to him. When they saw you they saw food. That's what they are, every single last one of those repulsive bloodsucking zombies."

She flinches at my harshness, and takes a step back. At this point I could care less, the rage I feel toward her is getting the best of me. She needs to get it through her thick head, what she's doing to herself is unhealthy. The situation she was in with those leeches was deadly and she didn't see a fucking thing wrong with it.

"Are you so quick to forget about the red-head? Less than twenty-four hours ago you almost became a snack. From what I saw, she wasn't looking at you like she wanted you two to have a slumber party and braid each other's hair. She looked at you like she was on death row and you were her last meal. Or let me guess, because they killed Bambi instead you thought they were closer to being human? What the hell was it that they called themselves - oh yeah, 'vegetarians'. What a fucking joke."

She looks down at the sand, avoiding my eyes. Then it dawns on me, and her idiocy reached a new level. "Holy shit that's it isn't it? They didn't have an all you can eat human buffet in front of you so you thought you were safe? Whoa, you're dumber than I thought. Did you really think you were in love? You think that's what love is supposed to be like? Cold and dead? Is that what you think fucking is like? I bet you couldn't move either, what with you being vampire crack and all. He was probably two seconds away from snapping your neck when he was between your legs. I got news for you, sweetheart, that's not love and whatever you did with that parasite definitely isn't fucking. That's just sick, wrong, and twisted obsession."

The more I talked, the more my voice rose to the point where I was shouting at her. She had tears glistening in her eyes and her bottom lip was quivering. _Is she going to cry?_ Fuck me, she's going to cry.

But she didn't cry… No, her face flushed and then she did what I never would have expected from her; **she fucking slapped me**. It didn't hurt, but it sure as shit shocked the hell out of me. I doubt she really meant to hit me because her eyes widened in surprise, and then she started hopping around in a circle; holding her hand, and saying _Ouch _repeatedly.

Again I say, this chick is fucking insane.

I reach for her but she wretches herself away from me. _Wrong move girl._ I'm already angrier than I have ever been without phasing, I growl at her and grab the hurt hand to examine it. She stops trying to fight me; she knows it's useless. I turn her hand over a couple of times, moving her fingers, listening for any type of break. Unfortunately during this "examination", the wolf is beyond ecstatic over the feel of her soft skin. And that scent - _Damn_. Her scent makes me crazy.

I let go of her hand once I'm sure it wasn't broken. The silence becomes deafening.

She sniffles, then closes the space between us and hugs me. _Jesus, she is batshit crazy._ Not really sure as to what the hell is going on with her, I stand there and let her squeeze her arms around my waist.

After a second, I give in and wrap my arms around her. She smells fantastic. I lean my head down and rest my forehead on the crook of her neck; inhaling as much of as I possibly can. My lungs are about to explode, but it's worth it.

I don't know how much time passed, all I know is this feels too good to let go.

A howl rips through the air, jerking me out of my Bella induced haze.

_Sam._ I was supposed to be patrolling, listening for him in case he came across any new leech trails. _FUCK!_


	6. Chapter 4 Infuriating Unrelenting Desire

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

**Enjoy. :)**

* * *

_"What have I become,_

_My sweetest friend?_

_Everyone I know,_

_Goes away in the end._

_You could have it all,_

_My empire of dirt._

_I will let you down,_

_I will make you hurt..."_

_-Trent Reznor_

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Infuriating - Unrelenting Desire**

* * *

**-Paul-**

_How could I forget I was supposed to be patrolling with Sam?_

I look down at Bella. She's cuddled up to me, squeezing her arms around my waist. I put my hand on her cheek and tilt her face up so she can look directly at me. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears; the humming sensation grips around my heart, making it ache.

_The leech really fucked her up_. It's painfully obvious in her demeanor; the self-loathing radiates from her. In that moment, I can actually see why she would think death was the only way to escape her misery.

A different howl echoes through the trees - _Jared_. There are too many variables as to why Sam was calling for help.

I can do this.

"You have to go home. It's not safe for you to be out on your own. So, for the last time, stop being stupid and putting yourself in danger, okay?"

She rests her forehead on my chest, and softly sighs against my skin, "I wasn't trying to. I just - I wanted to see you again - to talk to you."

"I have to go."

She nods. "Okay. I guess I understand. Responsibilities, right?"

The way she said it, surprisingly, made me laugh, "Something like that."

She bit the side of her lip, frowning a little, mulling over something. "Do you think you could come and see me? At my house? Charlie has the late shift tonight. Um. I could leave my window open for you... so we can talk?"

Say no. Be done with it. Stop giving in to her.

_You know you want to see her again._

"I'll come by." _Fucking traitor wolf._ What the hell is he good for? All he does is go against me when it comes to her.

She smiles up at me, a light sparkle edging its way into her eyes. _Great. Now she's happy. Hope you like disappointing people because_ _we_ _are_ _**not **__going to see her._

I feel her take in a deep breath when she presses her face against me once again. She hesitates for a beat, then unwraps her arms from around me, takes a couple of steps back, and walks down the trail leading to First Beach.

She really does need to stay in populated areas; the girl is a leech magnet.

_Stupid wolf, the little shit, allowing me be manipulated by a tiny girl._ The frustration was mounting on top of the resentment and anger I found myself reserving just for her. I yank the hair on my head, hard. _Get your shit together._ Don't think about her. Phase and don't think. Count to a million; sing the Pledge of Allegiance, any damn thing. _Don't think about her soft body, her warm minty breath, the way her arms felt around you_ - Fuck!

* * *

Stepping close to the tree line, I turn around to make sure there are no humans nearby, and then begin to clear my thoughts. I walk further into the forest, and take off my shorts, phasing almost instantly. Sam is pissed off.

_"YOU GODDAMN RIGHT I'M PISSED! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU PAUL!"_

_"Around. What happened?"_

_"Nothing now, you son of a bitch! I took care of the damn leech. Get the fuck out of here. I'll finish patrolling with Jared."_

_"Fuck you Sam. It wasn't on purpose… Alabama, Alaska, Arizona- "_

_"Well where the hell were you? What the fuck? Are you really alphabetizing states now! Goddamn it Paul, you can't be this distracted. There's been too much leech activity lately for you to be pulling this shit. Whatever your problem is FIX IT!** NOW**!" The Alpha timbre in his voice crawls up my spine and forces me to phase back._

I don't know how long I stood there, vigorously heaving gulps of air into my lungs. The fury toward my Alpha causing my muscles to slither with the compulsion to phase. I didn't know what to do with all these fucking emotions; or why the wolf is doing things I don't want to do. Telling _her_ shit that doesn't make sense. I don't even like the girl. The deep breathing and short walk back to my cutoffs didn't help abate my anger at the girl or toward Sam.

_Why am I letting her turn me inside out?_

* * *

The sun has almost completely disappeared from the sky and all I've been doing is thinking about little Miss suicidal leech-lover. I'm such in deep shit.

I can't stand the girl. _Then why did you let her hug you? Why do you enjoy her scent? Why do you keep breaking your own promises to leave her alone?_

Fuck this. I'm not going to keep moping like a whiny bitch. I know who the fuck I am and I'm **not** some tiny girl's pushover. I'm not going to her house, fuck the wolf. He doesn't know what's good for him. She needs to be left alone to figure her own shit out and move on with her life.

That's the mantra I repeat during the walk home, to my safe haven. Unlike Jared and Embry I don't have to worry about a parent or relative being nosy about why I'm coming in late or why I haven't been slept in my bed in a couple of days. Jared has his own issues with his parents not knowing about the pack. They think he's strung out on every drug ever created. Which makes no sense since the guy doesn't look like a junkie. How can they picture him going out and sucking dick for a fix?

That's the res for you though, everyone knows everyone's business whether it's true or not. Pretty funny that it's Jared, of all people, who is the junkie in "Sam's Gang". Rumors about Embry range from a drug runner to him being Jared or my bitch. The crap people come up with just to have something to gossip about.

If they knew the truth, what it is we really do for the res, the things lurking in the shadows; they would be scared out of their minds and probably shit themselves. As nice as it would be to knock some of those people down a peg or two, it wouldn't change anything for the pack. This life was not my choice; even though I have come to embrace it and find peace with what I am, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

When my small house comes into view, a feeling of relief overcomes me. This is my safe haven. I try and leave all of the bad shit at the door; here I can relax and be myself. It's not perfect but its home.

After eating and taking a shower, I lay down on the bed and close my eyes. It's still pretty early, but naps are a luxury I usually don't have an opportunity to indulge in.

* * *

The shrill of the phone ringing pierces my eardrums, making my teeth hurt. _Damn ringer_. Before I phased I hated that sound, now I go through more phones than shorts. Those fucking things irritate me to no end.

"Yeah."

_"Hey Paul."_

"What do you want?"

_"Can I come over?"_

"… For?"

_"Fucking. I'm horny."_

"… Screw it. Alright, see you in a few."

It's been a couple of days since I've gotten laid so why the hell not. Nina isn't a bad looking girl either. She's lived on the res her whole life so she's heard all the shit about Sam and his gang. That's probably the reason why she hit on me and has been an easy fuck for a while now. She thinks she's rebelling by banging one of Sam's gang members.

I snort at the idea. No time to dwell on shit, she will be here in a minute. I get up and straighten the bed, then make the room look halfway decent.

I hear her walk up and lightly knock. _Good timing._ As soon as I open the door she jumps on me, kissing my face and my neck. After taking some steps back into the house, I close the door with my foot.

Getting a better grip on her hips, I walk us to the bedroom. She wraps her legs around me and starts grinding on my crotch like a bitch in heat. I laugh at that thought; she stops pressing needy kisses on my lips and glares at me. I shake my head and sit on the edge of the mattress. She straddles me and pulls off her shirt, leaving herself bare from the waist up. She bites and sucks on my neck some more... usually I'm pretty fucking hard at this point, but all I've managed is a semi. I know I can do better.

I close my eyes and try to think about what she is doing and how good it feels. When I open my eyes to look at Nina - _it's __**her**__. It's Bella kissing my neck, pulling away to look at me, shyly smiling and then licking her luscious pink lips_ -

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Standing up faster than she can blink, I push Nina off me, dropping her on the floor, and scramble back to the other side of the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you Paul!"

_It's not her... but it was her... I'm going crazy._ My heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. Oh God, am I having a heart attack?

Deep breaths. Calm down, it isn't her. Nina doesn't look like her; she doesn't even smell like her. Calm down.

_That's your problem though isn't it? She doesn't smell anywhere near as good as Bella does_... Stop! Don't think about that fucking cunt!

After a minute of ignoring the wolf and collecting myself, I walk over to Nina. She is sitting on the bed looking like me with cautious eyes, probably wondering if I have gone insane.

_Maybe I have_.

Nothing else can explain this shit. **No**. I'm not going to think about it, not right now.

I need a distraction.

I grab Nina and kissed her hard, she moans in my mouth and tries to climb up my body; I stop her and lean her back to lie back on the bed. She happily complies, eager to get started. I kneel in front of her, between her legs, and pull her panties down. She's wet, that much is obvious from the spot forming on the back of her skirt. I slip two fingers inside her, twisting, pushing; she moans louder and rocks her hips on my hand.

I was so focused on making Nina come when I finally look at her face it sends a jolt through me - _It's Bella looking back at me; it's her laying on the bed, grinding her pussy against my hand, her long hair fanning out on the bed, her soft, pale hand on top of mine guiding me, showing me what she likes -_ Stop!

I close my eyes and ignore who is in front of me. It doesn't matter if it's Nina or imaginary Bella.

* * *

When Nina was leaving, she tried to kiss me but I told her to just go. To not bother calling me anymore since I wasn't going to be fucking her again. It was becoming a habit and I don't do girlfriend shit.

She wasn't pissed, she just laughed.

After noticing my irritation, she explained while I'm a good fuck, she never wanted a boyfriend from the res. She knew it was becoming a habit, us fucking anytime she called. Not the type of habit she wanted to keep once she found a _real _boyfriend. So she thanked me and left. Easier than I thought.

Now, I'm sitting once again on the rumpled up bed, thinking about everything that's transpired since the fateful day I found _her_ on the cliff. The whole time I was fucking Nina, it was Bella who was under me. I had to close my eyes to keep from seeing her; if I couldn't see her, then she wasn't there - _but she was there... taunting me, letting me touch her, moaning my name -_

The rage taking over my entire being is like nothing I have ever felt before.

Fucking bitch! Who does she think she is! Leech-loving whore!

A roar erupts from my throat, rattling the windows and the doors. I pick up my bed and throw it against the wall. Then tear apart the entire bedroom; breaking every table, the chairs, and rip the couch in half...

* * *

Everything in my house is destroyed. There wasn't an object left intact. My form is eerily still in the middle of the annihilated living room. The violence within begging to be unleashed, the wolf desperately trying to claw his way out.

I was far from finished. I need more. I craved to hurt; to make someone else feel this pain threatening to decay me from the inside out.

I storm out the house and run to Sam's; he is closest pack member. Every bone in my body aches, fighting the compulsive urge to phase.

The voice isn't my own; the sounds are like a crazed rabid dog, "Sam! Get out here!"

He opens the front door but doesn't move; assessing the situation, his Alpha façade clearly in place, "Come out back, Emily is asleep."

I walk around his house and he is already there on the porch waiting for me. The savagery within struggles to be set free.

Sam huffs in irritation, "Look Paul, you're probably pis-"

His sentence is cut off as I grip him by his throat and throw him across the lawn. His body crashes into a nearby tree, bending it in half. Before he can fully comprehend what is happening I have my knees on either side of his chest, holding him down and pummeling his face with a force I never knew I could be capable of.

Blood splatters on the grass after every hit. A crunching noise deters me for a brief fraction of a second, his nose is broken. It only serves to further fuel the white hot fury within. His lip is split, both his eyes are swollen, his jaw is crooked; I still wouldn't let him say a damn word.

The Alpha command is not going to save him.

I was so caught up in releasing the rage and hate that's been building within, I didn't catch the movement of Sam rearing his arm back. He hit me with a power only an Alpha can summon toward a member of his pack. Capturing my throat with both hands, he squeezes and guides me off him. When we are both standing, he releases me and puts his weight behind a punch to my stomach.

The incessant, brutal punishment continues.

He hurls his fists at me, cracking my ribs, then throws my beaten body against the hard ground. My insides are burning. I draw my focus to the fiery sensation, welcoming it with open arms, refusing to show just how severely he is fucking me up.

_This is what I need._

Sam finally relents and controls himself. I stay on the ground, laboriously attempting to breathe. After a couple of minutes without any painful blows striking me, I look over at Sam; he's standing there, fists clenching at his sides, blood oozing off his face and his knuckles, and his eyes are glowing a dark shade of yellow. Any sign of weakness cease immediately. He holds out his hand, offering me help. I'm not an idiot, I take it; the Alpha is helping his pack mate stand.

His inhumane voice breaks the silence between us, "Go home Paul."

He turns around, head high, and walks back into his house, leaving me in his backyard.

I don't move. There is no more _home_. My safe haven doesn't exist anymore. I trashed my house and fought my Alpha, all for what?

_Because of her_.

She has been there this whole time, in my mind, fucking with me, provoking me.

I leave Sam's yard and make my way into the forest, walking to a clearing I discovered weeks ago. There is a small creek here that's proven to be useful during patrols. I take off my shorts and get in; washing away the blood, willing my body to heal as best as it can without proper nourishment.

After some time I get out, re-dress in my cutoffs, and breathe in the clean air of the forest. A feeble attempt at forcing a calm upon myself; it doesn't help, the throbbing fury is only somewhat quelled.

I run as fast and as far as my legs can take me, releasing a majority of the built up tension.

* * *

Just when I was ready to turn around and make my way back to the res - I see it. Right in front of me; _the chief's house._

The only vehicle parked in front is her ancient truck; the entire house is dark, except for the faint light in her room_._ I stand there and wait until the light in her room is turned off, the window is still open.

_Stupid girl_.

I listen to the musical rhythm of her heartbeat as it slowed, indicating she was asleep. Once I survey the area around the house, and double check to be sure no cars would be rounding the corner; I climb the tree, vault through the bedroom window, and silently land in her room.

The ferocity with which her scent invades every one of my senses drops me to my knees. The humming sensation returns, clinching around my heart.

I breathe deep, forcing myself to mildly adjust, and stand. Walking to the side of the bed she is resting on, where her face is clearly visible. The sliver of light coming from the window caresses her flushed skin.

_She's so beautiful._

No. **No**, she's not.

The rage from earlier creeps back, pricking my brain. She's nothing to me. She will never be anything to me.

_You know that's a lie._

Her sigh brings me out of my thoughts. I look down at her as she lazily opens her eyes. When she sees me she instantly stands on her bed, and sways with unbalance. She backs up closer to the headboard, the mattress making noise as she moves.

She's panting, nervous, and all she is wearing is a pair of blue panties and a white shirt. Looking at her dressed in so little makes my dick twitch. That reaction enrages me further. _I shouldn't be having any physical response to her._

I walk over to the bed, pull her off of it, and slam her against the wall. She stubbornly refuses to look at me, so she concedes to stare intently a picture frame elsewhere.

_She's so small._ The wolf is scratching at the surface; fucking traitor, egging me on, wanting to be closer. Risking my sanity, I allow myself to revel in her natural smell. The mixture with fear and excitement making it more potent.

I take another step forward, almost crushing her between the wall and my body. She sucks in a breath between her teeth and exhales, the air from her mouth cooling my skin, creating goose bumps. I can hear her heart hammering in her chest and feel the warmth as it rushes to her panties.

The wolf demands control, forcing out a deep growl. Her body reacts with a shiver. We both stay still, neither of us moves, feeling our bodies react to one another. She timidly reaches up a shaky hand and places it over my heart. Her touch is electric, the humming pull strengthens, and I fight against it. Whatever it is, it's threatening to tie me to her somehow. I can feel it. And it is **never** going to happen. Her fingertips caress the skin above my heart.

I am so fucked. I don't even know what the hell I am doing here with her -_ damn she smells good_.

After a minute she finally speaks, "You came."

It's torture, but I need to do this, for me. I put my hand over hers, and with a firm grip place it at her side, "I told you I would."

"You did. But it got late. I thought you changed your mind."

"You wait for every man coming to your room wearing that?"

She nervously looks up at me, "N-No. I didn't think you were coming, so I got ready for bed."

_Touch her._ No.

_You know you want to. Touch that soft, milky skin._ Another growl escapes, her body reacts again, only the heat from between her thighs increases - _interesting._

"You don't scare me you know."

"Oh I don't? And why is that girl?"

She holds her head up and stares right back at me, "Because you don't. Besides, anyone who does the things you have for me, and knows my name without ever asking me for it has to care somewhat. Or am I wrong?"

Well holy shit. I didn't think about that one. She is observant, I will give her as much.

The wolf likes her bravery, and if I'm being honest with myself I like it too. Not enough though. _Keep lying to yourself._

A smirk appears on her pretty face, "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

Her challenging tone starts to slowly snap something inside me; I put my hands on either side of the wall behind her head and lean in to her, leaving a hairs breath of space between us.

A sweetness tickles my senses. _Mmm. I know what that one is, she's wet._

"You shouldn't play with me Bella." I hover my mouth over her lips, "I know you like this, I can smell how bad you are dripping between your legs."

The skin on my arms ripples, testing the wolf and his limits is too much right now. But being this close to her is _so _tempting...

With great difficulty, I tear myself away, push back and stand near the window. Her breathing is erratic, her heart is pumping fiercely, and the delicious sweetness thickens.

_I have to get out of here before I do something I will regret._

I memorize every detail of her face, then angle my body on the window ledge to jump down. "Goodbye Bella."

As soon as my feet touch the ground, I run to the edge of the forest. Her whispered words sear into my soul, _"Please don't leave me. Stay."_

* * *

Verse from Song: Hurt

Artist: Nine Inch Nails

Album: The Downward Spiral

* * *

_**(This one was posted the first go round, and I will still give credit to those who helped me when they did.)**_

**A/N:**

**Thank you to MTR for helping with tenses in this chapter. They gave me a headache. :)**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing, it means a lot.**


	7. Chapter 5 Suffocating Void

This is a new chapter from the previous version. I wanted more understanding of what Jacob was going through... Contains dark themes.

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before."_

_-Edgar Allen Poe_

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Suffocating Void**

* * *

Darkness consumes. Devours. Grips the beaten heart of a burning young man.

Deeper.

Falling.

Encasing what is left of his sanity inside of the wolf. The love he still feels for the small brunette is the only light left in his soul. He loved her for so long. Carefully helped bring ghosts of a smile to grace her sweet lips. Each fragmented piece of her broken heart cared for, healed patiently through his devotion. A loyalty tested every day when the shine in her eyes would disappear.

Her sorrow.

Her grief.

He tried. He gave. He chose her.

Pain... so much pain from betrayal.

_They were walking along First Beach. He was so happy to be spending time with her; he was eager to get to know her._

_She wasn't a very good liar though. Or a flirt. He smiled to himself at the thought; she was being sweet and nice and she was interested in hearing about his people._

_He continued to explain the scary stories he remembered from the bonfires. "Another legend claims that we descended from wolves - and that the wolves are our brothers still. It's against the tribal law to kill them._

"_Then there are the stories about the cold ones," he purposely dropped his voice to add mystery._

"_The cold ones?" she asked... but there was something there... deception? Her expression... it was different._

_As the conversation continued, her eyes gave her away. He remembered even as a child, she was a terrible liar. Some things never change. There was a nagging sensation in the back of his mind... she knew something._

_He brushed it off as inconsequential. Maybe she knew how much he really liked her. He hoped against all hope she would one day see him the way he saw her. He felt a connection to her... almost like she was meant to be with him..._

_When she left, he stayed to watch the van drive away. The small lies he noted, the way those deep, soulful eyes gave her away; he began to wonder exactly what it was she had been seeking by asking him about his people. She probably had a good reason for not telling him._

The truth was far worse than he could have imagined - she knew the Cullen's were vampires. He was the one to reveal their secret.

Was it possible to hate oneself?

To loathe and crave the weakness caused by the dark haired siren?

The wolf protected him, surrounded him, numbing out a large portion of his ache as he drowned in memories of the pack. Seeing her as they saw her.

Empty. Cold. Lifeless.

He was naive and blinded by love. A love so strong, it shattered him when comprehension was gained and the depths of her betrayal illuminated. Her lies, her abuse.

Dreams and nightmares. Dancing together, beginning as one, ending as another. Hatred and love. Agony and bliss.

She was one and she was all.

Horrors of crimson eyes, mahogany hair billowing in the wind, and a blood dripped sneer ravaged him.

_Seeing her standing there, even with the leg cast on, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He smiled at her._

"_Hi Jacob." She smiled back. "What's up?"_

_He glanced at the Cullen kid, "Can I cut in?"_

_Cullen set her on her feet and took a step back._

"_Thanks," he said. Cullen nodded and walked away._

_He was nervous, sweating, and his heart felt as if it would burst from his chest as he put his hands on her waist and she placed hers on his shoulder._

"_Wow Jake. How tall are you now?"_

"_Six-two," he replied, a bit smug._

_The silence was comforting. He liked this about them, there was never a need to over talk. He knew he had to tell her what his dad paid him to tell her, but he just wanted to touch her for a while longer..._

_She took a step back, eyes cast down... what was going on? This hadn't happened before._

_She turned her gaze up and grinned at him. Ruby red eyes._

"_Bells! What the-"_

_She placed her cold fingers on his lips. "Shh, it's okay Jake. It will only hurt for a second."_

_Her chilled hand gripped his shoulder blade, nails ripped into his flesh, blood poured down his shirt. He screamed; the pain was unbearable. She yanked his head to the side, exposing his throat, and sniffed his neck._

_A purr reverberated from her. "You smell absolutely divine."_

_With inhuman speed, she attached her mouth to him - venom-coated teeth tore his skin. The inferno began, charring his organs, boiling his blood, stealing his life... his soul..._

The wolf shook himself free from his master. He pressed forward, running through thick forests, stopping only to rest or hunt. He pushed the man back into the abyss.

It was all he could offer; it was what he was made for.

_Protector_.

Always protect; and he would guard his keeper, no matter what the cost.

* * *

Side Note:

Parts of the First Beach memory, and the Prom memory are from _Twilight_.


	8. Chapter 6 Necessary Hurtful Loneliness

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

**Happy Reading :)**

* * *

_"What if all the world's inside your head_

_Just creations of your own_

_Your devils and your gods_

_All the living and the dead_

_And you're really all alone?"_

_-Trent Reznor_

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Necessary but Hurtful Loneliness**

* * *

**(Day 3)**

**-Paul-**

Sleep eluded me. The desire to run back to _her _increased with every step in the opposite direction.

I hated her.

_I wanted her._

Sam came over bright and fucking early, demanding to know what was wrong with me. He didn't spit out an Alpha command, surprisingly. I sat on the only fold-out chair left in one piece, more or less listening, waiting for him to leave.

Every thought surrounded _her_. The smell of her hair, the feather light touch of her fingertips, the sweet aroma from between her legs.

She was eating at me. Peeling away at my resolve. Weakening me.

I called some women who were always ready for a fuck at the slightest acknowledgement. The physical acts themselves were mechanical, automatic. _Easy_.

The wolf was livid.

I didn't care. I'd had enough of his shit.

Sam came over again that night and sat in the destroyed living room on the same fold-up chair. He didn't breathe a word for a long time. Just stared, observed, and remained impassive. I asked for a couple of days to myself.

He asked if I imprinted.

"No. I don't feel anything... It's just some girl. I'm not sure what to do about her yet."

He gave me a calculating look, "Fine. Take a few days off to get your head together. And for fucks sake, shower already. You smell like pussy and some other weird floral crap."

_That must be her scent._

Quil apparently phased earlier than suspected due to the pick-up in leech activity, so they were covered with patrols.

I just needed sleep.

_***...***...***_

**-Bella-**

Stupid.

Selfish.

Needy.

Desperate.

How many more words can describe what happened to me last night? I can't believe I actually begged him to stay.

_What's wrong with me?_

His voice, so deep and rich, made me _feel _things. I'd never had a reaction like that toward anyone.

I don't even know his name.

He clearly wasn't human, and once again I couldn't find it in myself to care about his supernatural nature.

Maybe he was right. I did have a tendency to get into dangerous situations... at least he wasn't a vampire.

The pain of Edward's departure was fading; now a new hole has formed.

Regardless of the strange man and his effect me, I missed Jacob.

I wanted to see him; touch his warm skin, smell his minty breath as it fanned across my cheek, and relish in the sensation of my heart melting at his breathtaking smile.

_Jacob. _

_Why won't you come back to me? Did I really ruin my chances with you?_

* * *

**(Day 4)**

**-Paul-**

More meaningless women came and went.

They didn't give a shit that my house was fucked five ways from Sunday. The mess was still there. A reminder of what happened when I let thoughts of _that girl_ consume me.

Jared came over and sat on the fold-up chair. Watching me. Just like Sam did.

Both times I've stared at nothing; both times I've allowed my thoughts to gravitate to _her_.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore, "What the fuck are you doing here Jared?"

"I'm worried about you. Sam said something about a girl, but you told him it wasn't an imprint. Are you sure it's not?"

"It's not. I don't have all those pansy ass emotions you and Sam have for your imprints."

My heart was in a vice grip. The girl was wedging herself in there. I don't want it. I don't want her.

Jared went to the kitchen to get himself a beer. He sat back down. Observed some more, drank his beer, then got up and left.

I fell asleep not long after.

_***...***...***_

**-Bella-**

The hole in my chest tore wide open - the pain reminded me of how much I missed Jake.

But he doesn't want me; I'm too messed up for him.

Charlie dug into me about cleaning my act up. "Bells, he's not coming back."

"I know, dad. I'm not waiting on him." The truth of that statement startled me._ I really wasn't waiting for them anymore._

Charlie ran his fingers through his hair, his nerves getting the best of him. "Baby it's just not normal, this behaviour. Quite frankly it's scaring the hell out of me. I'm telling you this because I love you and I hate seeing you like this. Either buck up and get over that Edwin jackass, or you're moving to Jacksonville with your mother."

I didn't want to leave Forks or Charlie or Jake. This was my home now. I had to try and make everything better. "Okay dad."

He gave me a weary look before nodding and going to the living room.

Even though he wasn't sympathizing with me anymore, I had to admit Charlie putting his foot down was refreshing. I felt like I had a dad for once. A real one. Not a fake one, like Carlisle had been to **them**.

So I cleaned, washed all of my clothes, cooked enough food to freeze for the week, and watched tv with him. Charlie was pleased. He kissed my forehead, gave me a hug, and went to work.

_Huh. So that's what interacting with your father is like._

* * *

**(Day 5)**

**-Paul-**

Nina came over, and I fucked her... only it was Bella I saw.

I kept my eyes open the entire time. I didn't close them to block _Bella_ out like I did before. As soon as we went further than kissing, it wasn't Nina's face anymore. It was hers. _Her lips I was biting, her hair I was pulling, her skin I was tasting_...

When Nina left a few hours later, she was content. I guess she didn't give a shit I called her Bella more than once. She smiled and ignored me.

While I was making a sandwich to eat for dinner there was a knock on the door. I could smell who it was before I opened it.

Embry stood there with a six-pack in one hand and three large pizzas in the other.

He sat in the fold-up chair. We ate and drank in silence. Then he watched me.

At this point I was sure of one thing, they were waiting for me to crack. To admit I was going insane or that there was something seriously wrong.

Maybe they were right. This wasn't me.

I stood there, looking at the destruction I refused to clean. It wasn't out of laziness; for some reason it reminded me of _her_, and I didn't want to clear her out of my system. Not yet.

Embry threw away the cans and the pizza boxes. He stopped in front of the door as he was leaving, "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I wish I knew."

He closed the door behind him. I was alone again.

_I missed her._

_***...***...***_

**-Bella-**

Things with Charlie were getting better. We talked, not about everything, but we did talk about what he did while I was with Renee.

He sat back in his chair, a Vitamin R in his hand, and a nostalgic smile on his face. "Weekends were spent on the res fishing or going to bonfires in the summer. I've known Harry Clearwater and Billy since we were kids. Sure I had acquaintances on the force, but the res always felt like more of a home then Forks. I really wish you could have been around for a lot of that Bells. I think you would have liked growing up here."

I was seeing a whole new side to Charlie as he talked about his friends.

We ate, watched tv for a while, and then he asked me a question I'd been dreading. "How did you get tangled up with the Cullen's anyway? Seemed to me like they kept mostly to themselves, so it was a surprise when you took up with Edwin."

"I met him in Biology class. We talked and hit it off. My birthday passed, and then Edward told me we needed to talk. He said the rest of the family left and he was leaving too... It wasn't just the break up dad. Alice was supposed to be my best friend and she left without saying goodbye. No note, no hugs, no 'see you later'. Nothing. From any of them. They claimed to care about me and love me, but they didn't even bother with a simple 'bye'. Like I was nothing."

By the time I finished explaining a little of it to him, tears were slipping down my cheeks. Charlie put his arm around me and let me cry.

When I lay in bed that night it felt like some of the heaviness on my chest lifted. It still hurt, but nowhere near as much as before.

* * *

**(Day 6)**

**-Paul-**

For the most part, I stayed lost in my thoughts. Eating, sleeping, never leaving the house. I didn't want anyone near me.

The front door opened and closed. Quil handed me some tupperware full of Emily's food. She sent it and asked him to tell me it isn't the same over there without me breaking her dishes every time I got pissed off.

He sat and kept me company, blabbing away about nothing and everything. He was ecstatic about being a wolf and finally having one of his best friends back.

I listened as best I could; enough so it looked like I was half alive. I didn't have it in me anymore. All this pretending bullshit in front of the pack was wearing me down.

Quil stopped talking and started observing. Just like Sam, Jared, and Embry.

_Is it possible for a shifter to go crazy?_

If it is, I was probably as close to it as it gets.

Quil left without another word.

I craved her smell. Her touch. It made me despise her all the more.

The wolf snarled, he was infuriated. He wanted out. He wanted to see her more than I did. I wasn't going to give in to him.

Sleeping had become my only means to escape.

So I slept.

_***...***...***_

**-Bella-**

A small, dull ache started forming around my heart out of nowhere. It was bearable, so for now I ignored it.

Charlie and I left to go to Port Angeles. He had some money saved and he wanted to buy a new recliner. Plus, he promised me some books. I gave him a genuine smile and didn't argue. The ride there was nice, quiet, and comfortable. We were beginning to build a father-daughter relationship.

He handed me some money, "Go on to the bookstore Bells. I'll meet you there after I finish at the furniture place."

As I perused the books the Fiction section, my mind drifted back to the Native man.

I wanted to see him. I wondered where he was. If he was out hunting vampires. If he thought about me at all.

Charlie and I ate at a small burger place in the outskirts of the city. He mentioned the new chair and a bookshelf he bought for me also. Both were supposed to be delivered tomorrow.

When we got home, I put my books up in the old shelf for now. I glanced around my bedroom, and briefly wondered if I should redecorate when the rocking chair caught my attention.

Edward use to sit on it and watch me sleep.

A creepy chill crawled up my spine. I made a decision right then and there. "Dad! Can you come help me take this outside?"

Tomorrow was garbage day, and I didn't want that taking up space anymore. It was old, unstable, and held a reminder I did not want to dwell on anymore.

He helped and asked if I wanted another one.

"No more rocking chairs for me. Thanks anyway."

I called Billy's before I went to bed. He said Jacob was still sick.

That night, I dreamed of a powerful, dark man.

* * *

**(Day 7)**

**-Paul-**

Someone was knocking on the door. I didn't bother trying to scent who it was, knowing it would be someone from the pack.

It wasn't though; it was Emily.

I let her in, then went back to lay down on the carpet in my room. The ever present anger rose with each visit. I'd never disrespected Emily before, and I wasn't going to start now.

I fell asleep again.

When I woke up the sun was setting. I took my time showering, and wondered what I would do tonight. As I walked back to the bedroom, the smell of bleach hit me. Then I noticed the difference in my house.

_It was gone_.

The destruction from **that** night, the reminder of Bella... it had all been cleaned.

I looked out the window; a big truck was near the driveway and some people were tossing everything in the back. All the black garbage bags and every piece of broken furniture was propped its side next to the mailbox.

I walked back into the kitchen, Emily left me a plate of food wrapped in foil on top of the stove.

Suddenly the memories I tried so hard to repress flashed through my mind. Her scent enveloping my senses when I climbed into her bedroom window, the fire in her eyes when she spoke in her challenging tone, the words that seared themselves into my soul when I left her...

I fell to my knees and for once allowed the tears to fall.

The agony from the past few days, the yearning I felt inside when I thought of _her_; it all came crashing down and crumbled me.

My insides felt like they were being ripped apart.

I _needed_ to see her. I couldn't keep doing this.

After a moment, I got up and ran outside.

_***...***...***_

**-Bella-**

Charlie got his new recliner and I got my new bookshelf today. He put the old one in my room, his excuse being I needed somewhere comfortable to read all those new books.

The day flew by as I relaxed and lost myself reading.

After dinner, Charlie had to go to work. He gave me a hug before leaving, "If you need anything, call the station."

"I know."

Once the mess from dinner was cleaned, I made my way upstairs to take a shower and get ready for bed.

While brushing the tangles out of my hair, I heard someone clear their throat... my heart stuttered.

I slowly turned around and there he was, standing in my room next to the window_._

_Oh my God. _

_He's here._

* * *

_Song: Right Where It Belongs V. 2_

_Artist: Nine Inch Nails_

_Album: With Teeth_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, here it is. It took me forever to figure out where I was going with it. I like where it ended up. I hope everyone understands and enjoys reading it. :)**


	9. Chapter 7 Submitting to Infectious Want

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

**Thanks for reading. :)**

* * *

"_You have set something in motion_

_Much greater than you've ever known_

_Standing there in all your grand naivety_

_About to reap what you have sown…"_

_-Trent Reznor_

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Submitting to Infectious Want**

* * *

**-Paul-**

Bella's eyes widen, her heartbeat picks up, and her cheeks flush. She opens her mouth to say something, but I move forward quickly and cover her soft lips with my hand.

The fear she feels glistens in her deep-chocolate eyes, the stale taste of it hangs in the air between us; however I can't bring myself to care. I need to be closer to her, and rejection is not an option. Not now, not while I'm marginally giving in to the wolf.

Slowly bending down toward her hair, I take in a deep breath and completely fill my lungs with her scent. _So sweet, so good._ I know he wants more than _this _bit of contact_, _I can feel his need, and the tortuous ache from having been away from her.

Bella's body shivers as my cheek rubs against her, from the curve of her exposed shoulder all the way up to the back of her ear. I take a half step back, putting just enough space between us so her face is visible.

Her eyes are closed. The humming sensation grips my heart like a vice, jolts of electricity from touching her pillowy lips with my palm cause a tremble to rip through me.

Her hand reaches up to caress my jaw line, and the impulse to turn toward her touch overwhelms me; an unintentional purr vibrates in my chest.

_Why is this so damn hard? All I wanted was to see her, just once, to ease this ache. The hate is still there, burning me on inside, fighting with the new desire for her. _

Bella's delicate fingers brush down my skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Time loses all meaning. If I could stand here all day, even in this awkward stance, I would gladly do it.

I loathe that fact.

_I missed her._

After some time with neither of us moving, I remove my hand and wait for her to talk, yell, anything. As long as I could hear her voice, I wouldn't care if what came out of her luscious mouth of was cussing.

She takes in a long shaky breath; her pink tongue licks her bottom lip. I groan at the thoughts running through my mind. _Don't do anything stupid._ With the much needed reminder repeating itself, I ease away from her and turn to sit on the side of the bed. Her hand shoots out and grabs mine, attempting to stop me. She shakes her head no, "Don't leave."

I clear my throat once more, not trusting what I might sound like if I didn't prepare myself. "I wasn't. I was going to sit down."

She let go of me and went to close the bedroom door, the _click_ of her lock seemed to echo loudly. She pressed her forehead against the door; I can hear her quietly panting and her pulse racing.

When she didn't turn around, I grew impatient. Silently standing and walking over to her, I could differentiate what I thought was still fear. It wasn't; it was nervousness and - _something else_.

She's so small, her body inches away, the intoxicating sweetness driving me crazy. Her breath hitches when she feels how close I am. The wolf was pushing me to get even closer, as dangerous as I know this could get, I feel my thin submission to him grow.

Carefully placing my hands on either side of her head, caging her in… "Bella. Why are you nervous?"

The faint sound of her licking her lips creates more erotic images to flash through my mind. _Not the time_._ Don't do anything too idiotic. Remember why you came here._

She takes in a deep breath, "It's you. You make me nervous. And scared… and other things. I can't… I don't know what to do. I don't even know you, or your name."

I have no control over my body, because pressing myself against her back wasn't what I planned to do. Yet I was doing it. And what surprises me further is Bella leaning back as well. Taking in deep breaths, her tension lessens; whatever this humming thing is intensifies when we have physical contact. The tightening soreness in my chest no longer exists… it's as if she took it away.

I rest my cheek on top of her head, "_Paul_."

* * *

**-Sam-**

Absolutely boring patrol tonight. The leeches seemed to have stopped coming around; no new trails for the last day and a half. Hopefully it stays quiet for a while, we could all use some time off.

"_No shit."_

"_Damn it Quil. Mind your own fuckin' business."_

"_Sorry. You're usually better at keeping your thoughts to yourself. Nothing to report, so I picked it up. Be thankful you weren't thinking about anything __good__."_

"_Cut out early. Get Jared to start patrol, it doesn't look like anything's happening tonight either."_

"_Sure. See you later."_

The ripple in the air confirms he phased back. Finally some peace and quiet, at least until Jared starts his patrol. _I wonder if Jacob is talking yet._

"_Jacob? Jake?"_

_A deep fierce growl replies._

"_We're here for you Jake. We are pack, a family. I'll give you a little more time, but you __**will**__ come back home."_

_A ferocious snarl reverberates, causing me to falter and almost collapse._

I close my mind off once again, and continue with the rest of patrol. _Maybe it was a bad idea to attempt to be forceful with him._

Jared and I have been patrolling on opposite ends of La Push for a little over an hour now, and still no leech activity. Tomorrow might be a good day to start having only one wolf out for patrols, switching every few hours.

"_SAM!" – Jared is panicking, this can't be good._

"_What is it? New trail?" – I take off in his direction as fast as I can._

"_No. There's a Cullen at the border. She says she wants to talk to the Alpha."_

_Shit. Jake._

"_Jared, block your thoughts. __**Now.**__"_

He starts doing Calculus problems in his head, and I run faster to his side of the border. Hoping it doesn't all go to hell and back with the Swan girl and those _things_.

I smell the leech long before I get to where Jared is._ Fucking disgusting._ Their stench is a combination of decayed human flesh and candy. _No wonder we can barely tolerate eating that shit anymore._

"_Jared. Phase back with me. __**Not a word.**__"_

The air vibrates when we both phase to our human form. I put my shorts on, and jog the rest of the way.

Jared is pacing the line, the leggy blonde leech gives off the impression she's irritated with him. She looks over at me and her nose twitches, "You're the Alpha? Never had the pleasure before. It's usually our leader, or father if you will, who comes to these things."

Being in such close proximity to her stink makes my stomach churn, "Yes, I am the Alpha of the pack. Samuel Uley. And you are?"

The blonde takes a wise step back and assess her situation further; it doesn't go unnoticed when she figures out she is outnumbered. Even one on one she wouldn't be a match for any of the pack.

"Rosalie."

"Why are you here? I thought your coven left the area."

Her smile sends chills down my spine.

"Don't worry Alpha. We aren't moving back. My… sister, I guess you could call her, was worried. There is a human who formed a bond with a few of my family members. This human disappeared from her visions and she wanted to know if she was alright. Normally I wouldn't bother seeking you out or letting you know of our 'gifts', but I think bending the rules a bit won't be an issue. Alice has visions of the future, she has seen into the human's future once or twice since we left Forks. A little over a week ago, the human disappeared. Alice wanted to come and see the human herself. I talked her out of it. We did enough damage to the girl; Alice and Edward are a bit more selfish natured than the rest our kind."

Her fucking smell and her long explanation were wearing my patience thin. "What does that have to do with us leech?"

Her smile broadens, making the desire to phase and tear her apart even stronger.

"I am telling you this, dear Alpha, because I just came from seeing the girl not long ago. I didn't disturb her, I stayed hidden in the tree tops downwind so as to not alert your pack. From the branch where I was perched, I could see her alive and well in her bedroom with a man. Now this wouldn't be a cause for concern, it actually thrills me to know the girl has moved on. She is better off without my kind interfering in her life. However, the man, very appealing to the eyes might I say, smelled of wolf. It occurred to me you should probably know one of your pack members has made… friends… or maybe more from the looks of it, with an innocent human."

I can hear Jared's ragged breathing, he's close to phasing. I muster all I can in the alpha command, "Jared. _**You will not phase**_**.**" His knees give out under the weight of the order, leaving him on the grass, shaking.

I turn my attention back to the blonde leech, "If there is anyone from my pack there, I will be sure to look into it. Was that all?"

"Yes. She is alive. I will make sure none of the family come back this way. Well.. I shall try my hardest to ensure that they don't." - she mulls something over for a half a second before continuing - "A forewarning Alpha, my sister Alice and brother Edward are particularly interested in this girl. Keep an eye out for her. They know what to do to manipulate and bend her to do their bidding. She doesn't deserve to be treated like a pet. I cannot simply turn my back without giving you some knowledge of my family and their power over the human."

Before I can say anything else, she turns and leaves.

Walking over to Jared, I kneel in front of him and help him sit up. He puts his head in his hands and attempts to calm himself.

"Who was she talking about Sam? Which one of us is stupid enough to be seeing Bella fucking Swan?"

"I don't know. Who hasn't patrolled today?"

He stands and dusts himself off, "Embry and Paul."

At the mention of those names, things start to make sense. "Go home. _**Do not think of this meeting or any of the conversations between you and me tonight**_**.**"

He visibly relaxes, then tenses once again.

"What?"

"Phasing? I still can't do it."

"Shit. Sorry. _**You can phase as you wish Jared.**_"

He jogs toward the tree line, I wait till I feel him phase; I didn't want him following me. Once I'm positive Jared is nowhere near here, I run toward _his_ house.

Everything makes sense now, that motherfucker better have a good reason as to why he was in Bella Swan's room, and he better hope Jacob never catches wind of this.

* * *

_Verse from Song: My Violent Heart_

_Artist: Nine Inch Nails_

_Album: Year Zero_

* * *

**A/N:**

**Chapter is later than I wanted. This one went about 6 different ways before I was finally satisfied. :) Can you guess what's going to happen next? Thank you all for reading. It means a lot. Thank you GG for putting up with me.**


	10. Chapter 8 Irresistible Unwanted Craving

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_How can it feel, this wrong_

_From this moment_

_How can it feel, this wrong..."_

_-Beth Gibbons_

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Irresistible – Unwanted Craving**

* * *

**-Bella-**

_Paul... It fits him. Dark, mysterious and kind of sexy._

A blush creeps up my cheeks and my heart skips a beat; his warmth was making me light-headed. All these thoughts of him were racing through my mind; I didn't want him let me go; I need to feel his skin against my own.

The only other person I have ever felt this way about was Jacob.

His name alone sends a pang of hurt straight to my heart. As soon as I felt it, Paul's hands ease off the door and then wrap around my waist.

_Oh, this feels nice. So warm._

My arms are locked in place under his, preventing me from touching him. Very carefully, I turn to face one of the men that has been consuming my dreams lately. It's confusing how there is now a push and pull sensation when I'm near him. I wish I knew what it was.

His hold around me tightens; a moist, steamy exhale escapes his lips. _He smells so unbelievably good. Masculine, earthy... just like Jake..._

Leaning down and resting his forehead on my shoulder, he continues to deeply inhale.

"Paul? Are you okay?"

A rumbling sound vibrates from his chest; the blazing breath coming from his mouth flows down the front of my shirt, teasing the cool skin underneath.

_Oh. My. God._ A foreign ache starts to build between my legs.

He chuckles; the gruff sound creates tingles in places I didn't know could have a reaction to something as simple as a man's voice.

The uncontrollable urge to touch him surges through me. Pulling my arms free from his strong embrace, I graze my fingernails through his inky hair. An inhuman purr comes from him, and he roughly pins me against the door.

For a split second, I panicked, however it melted away just as quickly as it appeared. Every inch of his muscular body was pressing against mine; a soft moan slips from my mouth, so many confusing sensations and emotions.

Paul's face tilts to the side, his scorching, delicious breath tickles my cheek.

"You like having me this close don't you."

The words barely process through the overpowering haze his heat brings. "I… I don't know."

The faint sound of him licking his lips echoes in my ear, _I wonder what he tastes like._

God, what's wrong with me? I don't even know him, and I want to lick his skin. I shake my head, trying to clear it, and instead my cheek brushes up against his feverish lips.

He sniffs the side of my face, and then down toward my neck - the feather light touch makes my knees weak. His baritone voice breaks my Paul-induced trance. "Come on. You need to lay down."

Another bout of panic threatens set in. "What? Are you - do you think we're going to..."

His grave, rich laugh answers the question I was too flustered to ask. Paul releases me from his embrace, but keeps my hand in his.

"No Bella. I didn't come here for that. You do need to rest though. I'll stay until you fall asleep, then I'm going to leave. Alright?"

The fiery blush comes back as I nod at him. He leads us toward the bed, and then pulls me to lay down next to him. Once he's comfortable on his back with one arm under the pillow, I rest my head on his chest, and listen to his accelerated heart beat. The hypnotic sound along with the excessive, luscious warmth of his skin lulls me to sleep in no time.

* * *

**(Day 8)**

**-Paul-**

The wait for her even breathing was killing me, being so close to her became increasingly more difficult. The incessant need to claim her was gnawing away at my will power. I got off the bed without moving her, she sleepily clutched at the pillow I was laying on, then snuggled up against it. After taking one last long look at her, I jumped out of the window and ran back to the res.

The sun is barely coming up when I pass the tree line near the dirt road leading to my house. Hopefully no one from the pack came over last night. I don't think I had to patrol yet, but I still hadn't talked to Sam. Not since he sat with me a few days ago.

Speak of the devil. Sam's scent is all around the area of my house. _What the fuck is he doing here at this hour?_

"Sam?"

He came barreling out of the house, charging at me, grabbing me by the throat and lifting me off the ground. Once the shock wears off I narrow my eyes at him, and attempt to pull his hand off my neck.

"Did you think I would never find out! Is this why you've been acting like a pussy? Because of Bella fucking Swan!"

My response was cut off by his hand squeezing my neck even more, the intense fury from before pumps fiercely in my veins. I reach back, and punch him in the jaw; his hand rips away from my throat as he falls backwards.

"What the fuck is your problem! Don't you ever put your goddamn hands on me like that again Uley. Alpha or no Alpha, I'll fucking rip you to shreds."

We were both trying to catch our breath, he stayed sitting on the grass, his lip oozing blood down his chin. I took a step away from him. The growing violence within demands I phase and fight my Alpha, the way he said Bella's name…

_He said her name. He found something out. How the hell did he know I was with her?_

Sam glares at me, then gets up and cracks his knuckles, the Alpha façade in place.

"You've told a human about our tribe's secret."

My jaw drops. "What the fuck are you talking about? I haven't told anyone a goddamn thing! You come to my house to accuse me of something I would never do? Get the hell out off my property Uley!"

"No. Someone confirmed you were at the Swan house last night. Are you going to deny it?"

Raging tremors rattle me from the inside. _Who the hell was spying on us? I should have been able to pick up their scent... No sense in lying about it._

"I'm not going to deny shit. Yes I was with Bella last night and this morning. It's also none of your fucking business. I haven't told her about the pack, and I wasn't planning on it."

Sam runs his hands through his hair, and starts to pace around the yard.

"Who told you I was with Bella?"

He continues pacing, and avoids eye contact, "One of the Cullen's was at the border. She wanted to talk. Long story short, her 'sister' is a seer, and she couldn't see Bella anymore. She hasn't been able to get a read on her future for over a week. The blonde leech came to confirm Bella was alive. She was downwind, on a tree a good distance from the Swan house. You wouldn't have been able to sniff her out. She saw you two, she said you both looked friendly… more than friendly. What the fuck Paul? Really? You had to go after Bella? Jacob's Bella?"

As soon as he said 'Jacob's Bella', I lost it. I could feel my skin rippling, the wolf was trying to claw his way out.

Sam squares his shoulders, _**"You will not phase."**_

The Alpha order tightly restrains me; the force with which it stops the wolf from coming out was excruciating.

He stood there and watched as I doubled over in agony, the question evident in his eyes.

"For fucks sake, no I didn't imprint - motherfucker! This shit hurts!"

"If you didn't imprint, why are you even remotely interested in her? Didn't you make it clear you despised the 'leech-lover'? Jesus Paul. Why do you have to make trouble for yourself? Aren't you already a big enough pain in the ass without all this extra shit?"

I know he is being serious, but I still laugh at him even though it causes more pain.

"I don't know why. She's just there… I can't explain it. I see her; literally see her when I'm with other women. She is getting under my skin, and I'm tryin' to figure it out."

He gives me a serious look, "You do know since she isn't your imprint I can order you to stay away from her."

The thought of not seeing her… the misery from alpha order was nothing compared to the torturous vise that grips my heart at those words. Trying in vain to gasp for air, my lungs feel like they are incapable of taking in oxygen.

Sam's eyes widen and he rushes to me, shaking my shoulders, yelling something… I couldn't understand a damn word he was saying.

"Paul! PAUL! I'm not going to order you to stay away. Calm down! PAUL!"

* * *

Several long minutes later, I can breathe again. Sam's looking at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe this is what it's like to go insane. All I want to do is go inside and sleep, but I know he's not done talking yet. Especially after - whatever the fuck just happened.

"The leeches have pretty much stopped coming through the area. We have patrol covered. I'll come back in a couple of days and we will finish talking about _this_ situation. Figure it out and fast. We don't know when Jacob is coming back, but when he does, I have a feeling he will try to go looking for Bella."

He stays there for a second, making sure I wasn't going to lose it again, and then walked towards the trees behind the house.

I sit on the steps in front of the door, and put my head in my hands. _This is going to end up being one giant fucking shit storm. _

_Is she really worth all this damn trouble?_

* * *

Verse from Song: Roads

Artist: Portishead

Album: Dummy

* * *

**A/N:**

**RL was a pain in the ass, and so were the tenses in this chapter. No pre-reader or beta, lol, just all me. :) Thank you to everyone who is reading this story.**


	11. Chapter 9 Alpha Uley and The Council

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

_"Men should be what they seem."_

_- William Shakespeare_

* * *

**Chapter 9**

* * *

**Alpha Uley and The Council**

Sam stood outside the tribal council building waiting for the elders to arrive. After he left Paul's yesterday, his pack brother weighed heavily on his mind. Normally Sam would talk things out with Emily, and he would listen to any opinion she might have. Emily cared about everyone in the pack.

When it came to what happened yesterday though, he did not feel as if he could talk about it with her. He tried, but he clammed up, and forced himself to change the subject.

The way Paul reacted to the threat of not seeing Bella Swan disturbed him a great deal. _If she was not his imprint, then what the hell was she?_

He called the members of the council the next day. He knew he would need guidance to unravel what was going on with Paul. He simply stated to Chief Black that he would like to ask some questions about imprinting and a wolf's reaction to it. The tone of the Chief's voice let Sam know he was not fooling anyone. He was told at what time the elders would be at the tribal council building. He hoped they would not ask too many questions, but knowing his luck, they would attempt to press for more information.

Quil Senior was the first to arrive. He gave Sam a quick nod and walked in to take his seat at the council table. A short while later, Harry Clearwater pulled up with Billy Black. They both gave Sam a nod as well and went to take their seats.

Sam lingered outside, gathering his thoughts and attempting to muster up enough courage to possibly lie to the council. He knew he was not going to be able to share anything about Paul or Bella. He couldn't. Not when he himself did not know what was happening with his pack brother.

He walked in and sat in the empty chair in front of the Elders. They formally greeted each other. The Chief spoke first, "Alpha Uley, you have requested this meeting with the Tribal Council in order to discuss imprinting. You may proceed."

Sweat started to form on Sam's brow; he knew he had to be very careful with his wording. "Chief Black, Elder Ateara, Elder Clearwater. So far there have been two pack members to imprint, Beta Jared Cameron and myself. To further inform the pack about it, I wanted to ask if there are any other ways, besides an imprint, that our wolves would feel an attachment to another."

The elders shared a bewildered look, and then Old Quil answered, "Is there a problem with your imprint Alpha? Or with your Second?"

Sam shook his head, "No there is not Elder Ateara. We, as a pack, don't know much about imprinting. Only that it is rare, and how it feels when it happens to us. I was curious if there were any other aspects of this important part of our wolf that we may not have been made aware of."

Harry seemed to be deep in thought and Old Quil glanced over at Billy. Sam waited patiently as the men began to whisper among themselves. He could have eavesdropped, but if they wanted him to know something then they would speak directly at him. He learned how to tune anyone out if he felt they needed privacy.

He was surprised when he heard Harry's voice, "There are a few paragraphs here and there, sporadic writings, which hint at the possibility of a partial imprint. However, that form is rarer than imprinting itself."

Sam felt the heavy weight on his shoulders already begin to lighten. At least now he had a theory on what was happening to Paul.

Billy's voice interrupted his train of thought, "Is there a specific pack member you are asking for, Alpha?"

This was what Sam was going to have a problem with. Lying to the council. In his eyes it was not something to openly share with them. Sam would guide Paul as needed, but ultimately it would be **his **responsibility to inform the council if need be.

"No. I was inquiring for informational purposes. In case the situation were to ever arise, I would have an answer prepared."

Billy gave Sam a look that conveyed only one thing - _they would be talking later_.

"Elder Clearwater, what do you know of this partial imprinting?" asked Old Quil.

Harry took a moment to drink some of his coffee. "If one were to ever occur the only way to solidify the bond would be through mating and marking. The pull to his imprint would be different than a fully imprinted pack member. As I said the details are sparse and the occurrence is even more rare, having only happened once or twice in the past, as written in the previous packs journals."

Sam wondered why Harry even searched for anything concerning intended mates. He decided it was best to ask than to let it fester unanswered. "Elder Clearwater, what prompted you to look into this issue beforehand?"

An uncomfortable look crossed his face, but just as quickly as it was there it disappeared. Harry sat straighter and looked directly at Sam. "I wanted to know if there was any way for you to continue your relationship with my daughter even though the Spirits decided that her cousin should be your mate. Imprinting turned out to be part of this generation of wolves, so there may have been something we overlooked in our readings. Considering how we thought it was rare, we didn't dig further than the explanation of what would take place when - or should I say if - one of the pack experienced it."

Sam felt as if he had been punched in the gut. _Harry tried to find out because of him?_

He felt awful for what he did to her, but the imprint was stronger than he could have imagined. He loved Leah, he still loves her in some way, and cares for her deeply. If anyone were to ask him if he would change becoming tied to Emily, he didn't think he would. Emily calmed him. Their life was far from perfect. They fought, they made up, and yet he loved her more than he ever loved Leah. In fact he rarely thought about her... he barely remembered their years together... _Why was that?_

He cleared his head of those musings. "I understand Elder Clearwater."

An awkward silence hung in the air; Sam felt he received the information he sought out.

Billy dismissed the council. "If that is all Alpha, then this meeting is now closed."

"Thank you for your help Chief Black, Elder Ateara, Elder Clearwater."

* * *

As soon as Old Quil left the building Billy asked Harry if he could wait for a few minutes out in the truck. He needed to talk with Sam briefly. Harry told him it would not be a problem. He then shook the young Alpha's hand and left.

Sam sat down to be at eye level with Billy. It felt wrong to stand above the tribe's Chief.

Billy narrowed his eyes at him, "Who are you asking for Sam? I know you, you would not have called for this meeting unless if you were worried about someone."

Sam sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "No one in particular. And even if there were, I don't feel right talking about it. Hypothetically speaking, if there was a pack member to relay this information to, then as his Alpha I should talk to him first. We would discuss the situation, see what it is that he is feeling, and then decide the best course of action from there."

"You continue to say hypothetically, so with that word in mind, who are you talking about? If you do not want to discuss the wolf in question, then who is the possible imprint?"

Sam wanted to snicker, but he wasn't crazy. He wouldn't dare disrespect an elder like that. Seeing the Chief so irritated at his cryptic wording was slightly amusing.

"I would tell you if I could, if I thought there was anything you ought to know or anything you could do. I can't though. It would be a betrayal to a member of my pack. For now, I am making it my priority to solve any and all situations that could or have risen concerning imprinting. As soon as I deal with future issues, or come across any concrete answers, you will too."

Billy still seemed unsatisfied with his reply. Sam, as Alpha, was responsible for the pack and everything they did. Billy hoped the young man spoke the truth, and when he knew more he would come to him.

He shook Sam's hand, and reiterated that the council is there to help in any way they can. Sam thanked him and waited for him to leave the grounds before thoroughly thinking through everything said in the meeting.

He was almost positive Bella and Paul were partially imprinted. Everything seemed to fit. Paul's reaction, and how he has been spending time with the girl when he hates her - or hated her.

He rubbed his hands on his face and huffed in irritation. _Why couldn't things be easy when it came to Paul? Why did this one pack member have to make shit so fucking difficult?_

His head started to hurt. He really needed to go home and unwind. He had to formulate a plan before talking to Paul. He had to be sure an imprint was trying to take place or this could all blow up into a huge clusterfuck...

An idea suddenly popped in his head.

_He knew what he had to do_.

* * *

**Side Note:**

**Later than I would have liked. Thank you dragonfly76 and Mist. :) And, thank you all for hanging in there with me.**


	12. Chapter 10 Unpredictable Fiery Moments

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_I want the touch of your charms_

_The heat of your breath_

_I wanna say all those things_

_That would be better unsaid…"_

_-Trent Reznor_

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Day 10 - Unpredictable – Fiery Moments**

* * *

**-Paul-**

The past two nights have consisted of the same routine. There is no point in fighting the annoying humming sensation, and the growing need to be with Bella. The more I fight, the more agonizingly painful it becomes to keep my distance.

After staying home until the misery is too much to bear, I run to her house and wait for the bedroom light to turn off. Her window is always open now. She waits for me, awake, the blanket pushed over to her side. Conversation is kept to a minimum, only 'hi' or 'how are you' is passed between us. She falls asleep, and I leave when the sun begins to crawl into the sky.

She is embedded in my mind, ingrained in my senses, and brings out all these unwanted emotions.

Avoiding women that want to fuck is not as easy as I thought it would be. I stopped answering the phone altogether. They don't hold my interest anymore. Not since the first night I slept in _her_bed with _her_in my arms.

I wish I could despise whatever this is. I want to walk away from her.

_I can't do it. I'm not strong enough._

Every fiber of my being calls to make her mine. It's all I can think about. The need to consume her, to touch every inch of her skin, to taste her, to be close to her - _I want it all._

The wolf is winning out; I'm giving in to every single urge. Everything except the craving to be inside of her, the impulsive desire to kiss her, to mark her milky flesh.

When I leave early in the morning, I carry her scent on me for as long as possible. It calms the agitation of being away from her almost instantly. She invades my dreams. Her smile, her eyes, her hair, her innocence.

I sound like a fucking pussy.

_Why is this happening to me?_

As much as I want to, I can't hate her. It burns to feel hatred toward her.

The empty promises I make don't matter. Saying I will not be back is a lie. I am always waiting _for her_now. Returning is the only option. The vise grip around my heart disappears when she is close. I can breathe easier around her.

The stupid humming shit is stronger than it was before. Whatever it is, I know I'm fucked.

* * *

She has been restless tonight and unable to fall asleep. She keeps moving around and slapping her pillow.

After an internal debate, I decide to just ask since she obviously does not want to willingly tell me what her problem is. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

She turns her head and glares at me. _Jeez, what the fuck is her problem? Seems like the slightest thing happens and she gets snarky and worked up._

"It's you. You're too hot, and big. I can't get comfortable... You're everywhere."

That declaration takes a moment to process. I'd been avoiding looking at anything but her face since all those thoughts to claim her have entered my mind. But now, glancing down at her body, I notice she is wearing some kind of skimpy, silky pajama outfit. _What's she got that on for?_

She blushes at my blatant staring and shoves her face into her pillow muttering, "It's stupid. This is stupid. God, what was I-"

The way her enticing, perky ass sticks out in those very thin shorts, the small shirt hugging her petite, soft body becomes too much.

Before she can finish I flip her over and pin her under me. Her arms above her head, my lips so close to hers I can feel her warm breath. She stares at me, wide eyed, her heart beating frantically. She is panting, her heaving chest brushes up against my own...

_Take her._

_Claim her._

_**Mine.**_

She presses herself into me as my lips lightly brush over hers. A sweet little noise escapes those pink lips; the sound erases all reason from my mind and I kiss her hard. She gasps, allowing me to slip my tongue into her mouth.

_She tastes like peppermint._

Her hands reach up and she tugs my hair pulling me closer. I groan at the sensation. Her tongue ardently caresses my own. I let go of her hands, pull her hair to the side exposing her delicate neck, and slowly trail my tongue from the top of her exposed cleavage all the way up to her jaw. Her body shudders, she moans out loud, and the sweetness of her desire thickens.

_This feels so fucking good._

The lust filled haze drowns us both, washing away any anxiety or hesitation. Hands touch bare skin, the kissing grew in intensity. Grinding my hard-on over her the insane heat between her legs, causing her throw her head back -

I have no fucking idea what pulls us out of the fog we were under. But all movement ceases for a beat; she leans back and clears her throat, "Paul… that was um… Wow."

Without saying anything else, we carefully untangle our limbs. Once again lying next to each other, she rests on her side facing me. I take a moment to truly look at the small woman next to me. Her eyes bright and glassy, her little fingers stroking my palm. Her face tinged a rosy color, those candy lips swollen, pinker than usual and her hair a tousled mess.

_She looks beautiful._

I hope this pussy whipped shit goes away soon.

A few strands fall over her face; I push them behind her ear then trace the outline of her cheek, "You okay?"

She sighs and leans into my hand, "Yeah. I'm good. I uh… that was my first real kiss." Her blush flames her skin down to her chest-

_Wait. What._ _Her first real kiss? Does that mean - Holy shit!_

"Are you telling me you didn't fuck the leech?"

She shakes her head 'no'. I get off her bed and go sit on the recliner in the corner of her room. The newfound knowledge that Cullen never touched her, that he never put his dead hands on her body made it even more difficult to be this fucking close to her.

_Make her ours._

No! I have to get that shit out of my head. She's a virgin.

Jesus. A fucking virgin. Think about this Paul, she's not going to want to hop in the sack with you.

_She doesn't kiss like a virgin._

Pushing away the ache to stake my claim on her was taking an insurmountable amount of effort. I didn't notice she wasn't on the bed until she was in front of me. She put her hands on my face so I would look at her.

"We didn't really get a chance to talk about that. I mean-" I put my finger on her lips to stop her.

Taking in deep breaths, her wildflower and strawberry scent soothes me, but my dick would not go down. Replaying memories of tearing apart bloodsuckers wasn't working.

Naked old lady... _nope._

As much as I despise admitting it, the one thing that causes a sliver of fear in me is not seeing her again… _and that did it._

She nervously plays with the hem of her shirt.

"So you're a virgin?" I asked.

She gives me a slight nod and turns away, refusing to look at me. I was not going to let her clam up and shy away. I didn't care if she was a virgin. Hell I was fucking ecstatic no one had ever touched her soft, delicate, lush body - _Fuck. I have to stop thinking about it before I leave here with a permanent case of blue balls._

I put my hands on her hips and carefully pull her closer. Touching her sends tiny sparks of electric currents through me.

"Bella look at me."

She bites her lip and returns her gaze to me.

"I don't care about you being a virgin."

She sighs, "There's something else."

I let go of her hips, giving her space, and wait for her to continue.

"I love someone... but he's not here. I don't know how I can just _feel_he's not close. He's from the res too. I just... that day you found me -" tears begin to form in her eyes, "I couldn't breathe right without him. He's my best friend, and he helped me through so much. It hurt. He's gone and I miss him. I want to tell you..."

Nothing else she said processes. Fury stronger than I had ever known pumps viciously through my veins.

_She wants the fucking baby Alpha._

Standing up, towering over her, I glare at her, then grab her chin and force her to look up at me. "What the fuck was this then? Practice?"

She narrows her eyes, "Practice? Did you listen to a damn thing I just said?"

"I heard you. You love someone else. So what the fuck are you doing with me?"

She crosses her arms over her chest, rolls her eyes and turns around to walk away from me. Those damn tiny shorts taunting me, the wolf demanding to make her ours, the fire that lights up in her when she gets angry; it all twists together.

In one blurred movement, I snatch her by the arm, her turn around, and pull her hair back. She looks up at me and I angrily kiss her; biting her bottom lip and dragging her body up against mine.

She fights me for a second, then climbs up and wraps her legs around my waist. Tangling her fingers in my hair, she yanks hard, making me growl against her mouth. I tighten my hold on her thighs, pressing myself into her, she groans and sucks fervently on my tongue.

_Fuck. Damn it._

Taking my lips off hers, I try to regain some iota of control. "Bella. We have to stop."

She presses her forehead against my cheek; her rapid breath tickles my neck.

She wiggles a bit in my arms, "Put me down, please."

I comply and wait for her to start yelling; maybe even slap me again.

She remains silent for what feels like forever and then finally speaks. "I was telling you that I love him, _but_I like you. A lot. You're different. You push me; you make me feel things I haven't felt before. You don't treat me like I am breakable. I asked you if that was enough."

_Is it enough?_

_She loves baby Alpha, but she has feelings for me as well. Do I even want all this messed up, dramatic shit with her?_

_Jesus. Days ago I couldn't stand her, now I'm dry humping her in her room. I am so fucked._

Pulling her into my arms, I rest my head on top of hers, and hug her. "It's enough. For now. But sooner or later Bella, you're going to have to make a choice. Eventually, I will want to stake a claim on what's mine."

I felt her shiver at my words. She hugs me back with as much strength as her delicate frame can muster.

I take a look at the clock on the table by her bed..._it's late._ Almost time to leave.

"Come on. You need sleep and I have to go soon."

We don't talk about anything else. I lie back on her back on her bed and wait for her to join me. She leans over, rests her head on my chest, and wraps her arm around my waist. I kiss her hair and listen to the sound of her heart until she falls asleep.

Soon I would have to go home and go back to waiting. Again.

The full moon glimmers in light through the window. As I stare at it, I lose myself in dark thoughts. Nothing has ever come easy for me, and because of that I know I will have a fight on my hands soon...

With a part of me and with baby Alpha.

* * *

Verse from Song: Physical

Artist: Nine Inch Nails

Album: Broken

* * *

**Side Note:**

**Apologies for the delay. Another chapter will be up soon. Also, a really awesome piece of news. Broken Black Heart has been nominated in the JBNP Awards in the Angst category! :)**


	13. Chapter 11 In the Abyss I Wait

_Side Note: This is a reminder that the pairings in this story do change from time to time. If there are any questions or there is confusion as to why, please read the chapter called Summary and Notes._

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."_

_-Mark Twain_

* * *

**Chapter 11 - In the Abyss I Wait...**

The young man inside no longer plagued himself with nightmares of scarlet eyes and chestnut hair. Now, he fought against the wolf. Demanding the protector step aside and allow him control.

The request remained denied.

The young man was not strong enough, _yet_. The large wolf continued to push his master back into the abyss. It was not done out of spite, it was done out of necessity. His master was not ready. The blood fiercely pumping through his veins belonged to that of a Chief, a leader. They were not the Alpha of the pack, and the wolf would not stand for it. The young master had yet to comprehend the gravity of his transformation. His thoughts revolved around one human, the porcelain skinned goddess.

The wolf would not relinquish control while his master continued to place importance on one individual. _Protect all humans._ _Destroy the undead_. As much as the animal gravitated toward the images of the dark haired siren, he refused to consume himself with them.

The large beast trotted through the Canadian wilderness. He could never run as far as he desired. The ache from the young man's love for the brunette became unbearable if he wandered out of a certain range. This pain he felt only increased the battle for control.

Winning did not come easy. The young master within thrashed about, imposing his will until he grew tired.

His behemoth body slumped alongside a tree stump; rest was needed.

* * *

_"So where to, Mr. Goodwrench?" She asked as soon as the door closed behind his dad._

_Jacob pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out. "We'll start at the dump first, see if we can get lucky. This could get a little expensive," he warned her. "Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they'll run again." Her face did not look worried, so he continued. "I'm talking about maybe more than a hundred dollars here."_

_He truly felt terrible that he could not contribute much to their bikes, but there was no way to remedy that for now. She pulled her checkbook out, fanned herself with it, and rolled her eyes at his nervous tone. "We're covered."_

_And so the day went on, both of them enjoying themselves immensely. Even rifling through the dump, in the slopping rain and ankle-deep mud did not deter their laughter and sarcastic comments. Jacob felt as though he were on cloud nine. He could not have imagined a more perfect day... minus the rain of course. But he was alone with Bella, and that made him euphoric._

_His eyes wandered around the inside of the truck as they made their way home. There was a large, gaping hole where the stereo should have been. "Did the stereo break?"_

_"Yeah," his ears picked up her altered tone; she was lying. This new heightened hearing worried him when he discovered it yesterday, but right now he did not dwell on it. He was more concerned with how she just lied to him. He thought maybe if he got her talking about the incident..._

_"Who took it out? There's a lot of damage-"_

_"I did," she admitted._

_He chuckled. "Maybe you shouldn't touch the motorcycles too much."_

_"No problem."_

_When they neared the border to La Push, she steered the truck onto the side of the road._

_"What happened? Did you get a flat tire?" He asked._

_A hiss from beside him caused his eyes to widen. He looked over at Bella, her small form crouched in the seat, red eyes glowing, and her rosey upper lip pulled up to one side._

_"No!" He reached for the handle on the door, but it was too late._

_She pounced on him. Her screech deafened him. Her sharp nails clawed out chunks of his flesh... _

_A pulsing rage coiled in his chest, her sickly sweet odor infuriated him... __A roar so loud it cracked the windows burst from him. The monster on top of him scrambled back._

_Maim. Tear. Kill._

_Jacob's bones reshaped... the old truck exploded into smaller pieces... in the middle of the gravel stood a mammoth russet wolf. Underneath it were the ripped body parts the demon..._

* * *

The wolf woke with a start. He felt his master struggling to push him back. _Not yet, but soon. _The young one would be ready to take his rightful place, and to claim his chosen mate. The animal will submit when the time is right...

* * *

_Parts of the dream are from New Moon, Chapter 6. _

**Thank you for reading.**


	14. Chapter 12 A Complicated Discussion

_Dear Readers,_

_The 200 review mark passed, and I am so unbelievably happy that you all continue to read and leave amazing reviews. Apologies for not replying to all of them. I hope you all know just how much they mean to me. As a thank you for being so great this chapter is a couple of days early. :) Thanks again. _

_Big hugs! _

_-Astridt244_

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_And it's hard to see_

_What I'm capable of_

_And it's hard to believe_

_Just what I've become..."_

_- Trent Reznor_

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Day 11 - A Complicated Discussion**

* * *

**-Paul-**

The sunlight lazily crept over the trees, bringing with it a new day.

After Bella fell asleep I held her closer, greedily breathed in her unique aroma, and ran my fingers through her long hair. Something shifted within; became more _hers_. Whatever it was also made walking away this morning far more excruciating than it has been before. Every step felt like it was slicing away a piece of me.

Even with all this hurt, there is also a small air of contentment. A sort of peace when she is near. It's addictive.

_Where the fuck is this borderline obsession coming from? I'm as bad as baby Alpha._

Anger surges forward as Jacob crosses my mind. None of this is his fault, rationally I know that. I shouldn't be pissed at him, but I am. So what if she loves him. It's me she was kissing and groping a few hours ago, and he is still gone.

_Can I truly be with her without giving away too many details about my life? What if this turns out to be too damn complicated? I already want more from her, and the traitor wolf is desperate to make her ours._

If I'm going to figure out what is going on between us I'm going to have allow her in. The thought alone causes a tidal wave of emotions to course through me. This is why I never had girlfriends. Too much bullshit. And now here I am, thinking about Bella Swan as mine.

I have said this to myself time and time again since I saved that girl. _I am so fucked._

* * *

Before long, the clearing leading to my house becomes visible. I take in a deep breath and Sam's scent is once again surrounding the area. _Guess the break is over._

I shove my hands in my cut-offs and take my time walking home. He's sitting in front of the door and the look on his face tells me he is about to give me some bad news.

_Shit. I hope Jacob is not back yet. I haven't had enough time with Bella._

He stands up and meets me halfway. "We gotta to talk."

We make our way into the living room and he takes a seat back in the fold-up chair. His leg is bouncing nervously. I remain standing, crossing my arms over my chest, and wait for him to start speaking.

"I needed guidance Paul. This _thing_ between you and Bella wasn't making any sense. And quite frankly you scared the shit out of me the other day... I called a council meeting. I didn't tell them it was you nor did I mention her name. I found out some information from the Elders, I think I may know what is happening. Why you suddenly feel this way toward her when not too long ago you hated her. From what was explained to me, it sounds like it could be a partial imprint. They don't know much about it. Just how it's rarer than imprinting, and the bond has to be solidified in order for it to become a full imprint." He stops and takes a deep breath, then waits for a reaction.

It's taking an extreme amount of willpower to keep from going up to every single council member and beating them within an inch of their life. They kept this important information from me, from the pack, when we're the ones whose lives are irreparably changed by phasing. Like shit isn't already difficult enough, now we have to worry about the Elders keeping parts of the legends, our histories, secret. There was a possibility of something like this happening and they knowingly did not tell us.

Sam picks up on my irritation, "I'm just as pissed off as you are that this was never mentioned. We should have been told about any and every possibility after we phase, but we weren't. No sense in being pissy and whiny about it now. At least we have an idea of what could be causing all this drama with you."

I narrow my eyes at him for a moment, and then it dawns on me. _She's my imprint- or partial imprint. But she's __**mine**__._

"So you're telling me she's my imprint?"

He takes another deep breath, "I'm not one hundred percent sure, but yes, I think it's what you are experiencing. If she is then you would tell her the truth; about the pack, about the imprint, and you will need to solidify the bond."

He starts to look uncomfortable and stops explaining. After a few minutes of silence, I roll my eyes at him, "And how the hell am I supposed to 'solidify the bond' if you won't tell me what it means?"

He stays quiet and continues to bounce his leg nervously.

"What do I have to do? It can't be that goddamn bad. Just say it."

He rubs his hands on his face and stands up. "You have to mark her and mate with her... I know you won't have a problem with any of those. But before we fuck up the girl's life anymore than it already has been since Cullen leech left her, I want to be positive this is in fact a partial imprint... _Fuck, I hate to do this to you. _Trust me, if it's an imprint you will know." He stands straighter, the weight behind his order rippling through the air. "**You will not go see Bella Swan for the next three days.**"

The alpha command cuts through me, spears the deepest part of my soul, and brings me to my knees. Every inhale is like shards of glass in my lungs, my vision blurs as I watch Sam walk out. My chest feels like it is caving in - the noise around the room finally registers as my voice - howling in torment, and then everything turns black...

* * *

**-Sam-**

Leaving Paul while he was in pain was the hardest thing I have done since becoming Alpha. He's one of our strongest wolves; to see him brought to his knees was unbearable.

I had to do it. I could not in good conscience bring the poor girl into our world without confirming if it was an imprint or a case of infatuation on Paul's part.

The turnaround in his feelings for Bella is only explained by imprinting. So, this is his test. If she's meant to be his, I know he will figure out a way to break the order. However, if he can withstand these next three days, then we know it is not a form of imprinting. He will be asked to leave her alone.

* * *

On the walk home I took a detour and went to Jared's place. If anyone can talk to Paul and reason with him, it's Jared. They have been friends for a long time, and he trusts Jared more than anyone else in the pack.

He comes out before I pass the mailbox in the driveway. "Something wrong?"

My mind is in so many places I have to remember that he doesn't know what is happening with Paul and Bella. "No. But I need a favor, and you can't ask questions."

He looks taken aback by my request, but agrees to it anyway.

"Go to Paul's in a few hours. Don't ask him anything. Just check on him."

He gives me a long, hard stare before answering. "I'll go after I visit Kim this afternoon."

Some of the heaviness is lifted off my shoulders. All that can be done now is hope this gets resolved quickly. We still have no idea when Jacob will be back, and if it's not an imprint and Paul refuses to let her go, things could get violent. Jacob is the rightful Alpha; I hate to think about the damage he could do if provoked.

Yet another issue that has to be addressed; a council meeting will have to be called to speak to the Chief about his son. There has to be a way to bring him home.

When I finally reach the gravel road leading to the house, Emily's spices and herbs are all I smell. She always knows how to lessen my worries. Through all this confusion, she's the one I can count on to be there for me.

She notices my mood as soon as I stepped into the kitchen. She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me. I breathe in the clean fragrance of her skin, letting it soothe away most of the days stress.

She traces the contours of my back and presses herself against me. "You have been distant this past week. If you want to talk you know I'll listen, but I can't help you if you close up Sam."

I lightly kiss the top of her head. "Yeah Em, I know. I just can't talk about it yet. It has to do with Paul... I ordered him to do something."

She slowly releases me and returns to the stove, "Was it necessary?"

"I felt it was; it will help me find out if something has taken place."

She stirs the eggs a few times and gazes back up at me. "I know you Sam. You would not do this if you didn't think it was the right thing. Being Alpha is a big responsibility, and you made a decision concerning Paul as his leader. You shouldn't second guess yourself. You know you are doing what's best. Sometimes you forget how good you are to your brothers."

Emily smiles and then turns her attention back to making breakfast.

I know she has a point. This is the only way to be sure. I can't waver in my decision, and I will not show any more weakness.

* * *

**-Paul-**

_How long was I out?_

I look around the room and there's Jared, sitting in the chair, watching me. He sighs in relief. "You had me worried there. Knocked on your ass for a good bit. Sam asked me to come check on you-"

He barely has a chance to talk before I run out of the house and head straight to Sam's. I can hear him running after me, concern laces his words as he asks me what's going on. My mind is focused on one thing; our dear fucking Alpha ordered me to stay away from my imprint and I want some answers.

He's outside waiting as soon as I cross the tree line. "Backyard. Now."

It isn't a command, but it was close enough. He turns around and doesn't speak. Jared is behind me - I know he is waiting for me to try and physically hurt our so called leader.

The realization that I can't speak openly in front of Jared infuriates me further. I do not want the pack hearing about any of this. It's none of their business.

All these secrets, the fucking command, and being away from Bella; it all builds into a rage that rattles me to the core. _Self righteous asshole._ The white hot violence threatens to consume me.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Trying to keep me from - Fuck! You can't tell me that shit and then turn around and demand I stay away, you son of a bitch!" I lunge for him and Jared puts me in the sleeper hold.

"Chill the fuck out Paul. I don't want to have to put you down, but I will. Whatever Sam told you to do I'm sure he had a reason for it."

Sam stands his ground. With no expression on his face, and no emotion in his voice, he finally says something. "You will obey the command. You will pick back up on your patrols. You will block your thoughts as you have been doing. You will do as I say. I already gave you answers. If this is what we think it is, it will be revealed to you. We will not complicate anyone's life unnecessarily. Go home Paul. _NOW_."

He walks pass me and goes back into his house. Jared loosens his hold on my neck and I shrug him off. He's visibly confused at what was said between Sam and I.

Images of Bella flashing through my mind deflate the bubbling anger.

I don't have her phone number. I can't call her. Even if I could, her father might be home and it would cause questions I knew she wasn't ready for. So she will be alone, waiting for me, and I can't see her.

The wolf is growling inside, enraged at our Alpha, clawing at my flesh to let him out.

I don't have control over my thoughts, if I phase everything will be out on display for Jacob to see. _This cannot happen._ Not now. Not when I don't know if she is mine.

My bones try to reshape to begin the change - using a strength I didn't know I possessed, the wolf is pushed back - screaming in agony as the transformation is forced to stop...

* * *

Verse from Song: Me, I'm not

Artist: Nine Inch Nails

Album: Year Zero


	15. Chapter 13 Fracture

_Side Note:_

_I don't know if anyone has any questions as far as how Sam is able to order Paul to 'not see Bella for 3 days', so I will do my best to explain. Paul is not "in the know" about imprinting personally. He was only ever privy to the pull it causes (which was why he kept saying it wasn't an imprint), and the whole "she becomes your entire universe" bit. Paul has to figure this out on his own._

_This next chapter was difficult to write. I wanted to convey many things, and I hope that I was successful._

_Any questions or misunderstandings, please do not hesitate to PM me. I will answer asap. Thank you for reading and for sticking with me._

_Now on with the chapter…_

* * *

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it."_

_-J.K. Rowling_

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Day 12 – Fracture**

* * *

**-Paul-**

Twenty-six hours.

Twenty-six miserable hours since the last time I was in her presence.

It's only been a day. I can figure this out. It shouldn't be hard. Just prove whether or not it is an imprint. If it is, then she's _mine _and baby Alpha can go to hell for all I care.

I just have to break this Alpha order. Sam's an asshole for doing this. She's my imprint for fucks sake... At least I think she is.

What if I'm wrong? I barely tolerated her from what I knew of her and Jacob's memories before any of this complicated, dramatic shit. It would be like she never existed.

_-The sharp pain in his chest increases exponentially-_

No. There is no other reason for this goddamn hurt. No other reason why I would go from despising her to where I am now.

_-Sweat beaded on his brow, an intense torturous ache began in his bones-_

The only time I phase is when I'm forced to with Jared. He didn't bother asking what was going on or why my behavior changed. Counting seemed to piss him off. I could care less; he can like it or lump it. We sensed Jacob, and it's clear the wolf remained in control, but for how long?

A growl I tried to push back escaped when we caught a glimpse of what went through Jakey's mind.

"_What the fuck is your problem Paul?" Fuck. I forgot about Jared._

"_Nothing. I'm phasing out and finishing patrol."_

"_You're going to have to cut that shit out. One of these days you're gonna get hurt. More than one leech at a time is hard to fight when you aren't in wolf form."_

"_Stay out of it Jared."_

"_Don't be dick. I'm your friend, and I worry about you. I don't know what the-"_

My patience is too thin for a fucking pity party. I'm better off in human form. Being in the pack mind with baby Alpha is infuriating. He is the one who had real memories with _her_. He was around her, he hugged her, and she let him touch her.

It felt as though large chunks of broken glass are lodged in my lungs. The wolf became irate; _someone else touched her._

My skin started to crawl as the impulse to rip and tear someone apart took over.

_Keep it together.  
_

Deep breaths. Remember her face, her lips, the feel of her skin...

I looked up at the sky and from the position of the sun, it was about time for my replacement to come in. Quil's thoughts crept into my head when I re-joined the pack mind.

"_Going home."_

"_See you man."_

My only place of refuge is home. Sleep became the only way I could see her. As much as he wishes it were true, Sam can't control every thing. He can't stop me from thinking about Bella when I'm not in the pack mind.

_-The vise grip around his heart constricted-_

I don't want to miss her.

* * *

Forty-one hours in pure, unadulterated hell.

I wonder if she waited for me. Did she care when I didn't show up?

_-Breathing became a horrendously, laborious task-_

These emotions are suffocating, too many to rifle through. I have to get out of the house.

Running through the forest, the fresh air burned as I breathed it in. Much better than fighting for oxygen like a drowning man. I phased to see who was out there. Sam and Embry were exchanging reports on the border.

"_I got it from here."_

"_Are you sure? I can stay and keep patrolling with you. It's no big deal. I think Sam wanted to spend quiet time with Emily."_

"_Don't care. Stay. Go. Your choice."_

"_Is something wrong?"_

"_Fuck you, Sam. Go on home to your __imprint__."_

_A angry snarl came from him. "Watch yourself boy."_

_The deep growl that tore through me surprised them both. "Who the hell are you calling boy?"_

_Embry tried to quickly diffuse the situation, "I bet Emily has food cooked. It's cool Sam. Paul and I have it from here."_

_Sam's desperate need to be near his imprint made me want to vomit. "If you have any problems with Paul let me know."_

_The vibrating shimmer let us know Sam returned to his human form._

How the hell am I supposed to break the stupid command?

"_What are you trying to break?"_

"_It's between me and our high and mighty Alpha."_

"_Okay. Well I'm taking the south and east border."_

That's one of the things I liked about Embry, he minded his own business. If you wanted silence, he didn't pry like an old hag begging for gossip.

One thing became clear while running along the north border; Jacob gradually started to regain control over his wolf.

_Did that mean he's coming back soon?  
_

Jared entered the pack mind, making me wonder how long I was lost in my own head.

"_Paul? You're already here? Who is patrolling with me then?"_

_Embry must have felt my exhaustion. "I can stay for three more hours, but I'm going to need some kind of sleep too. That should give you enough of a break."  
_

"_Thanks Em."_

"_No problem, but just so you know, you owe me."_

Running in human form became a new escape. I didn't have to pretend or hide anything.

The faint scent of wildflowers and strawberries caused me to stagger; her unique scent blanketed all of my senses.

_-The clutch around his heart loosened considerably-_

Where is she? Wait… where the hell am I?

It took a minute to recognize the Swan's backyard. How did I end up here?

I closed my eyes and concentrated and on the sounds inside the house. Her slow heartbeat and breathing pattern alluded to her resting. I walked around the tree line, and then ran across the street to the spot with the clear view of her window.

_It's open… _Was she still waiting for me?

* * *

_"One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside."  
― John Lennon_

**Day 13 – Broken**

* * *

'_If it's an imprint you will know.'_

That cryptic fucking message repeated in my head during the walk home. I stayed near her house until I heard her alarm blaring.

I had just enough time to take a shower, grab a clean pair of shorts, and go patrol. Once I phased I realized Sam was with me today. Fucking fantastic.

"_I'm not thrilled about it either. Just keep a lid on it."_

_That stupid Alpha tone pissed me off. "Have I managed to fuck up yet?"_

"_No you haven't."_

We don't acknowledge each other after that.

Jacob's dominance over his wolf visibly increased in strength today. Sam felt the panic I tried to suppress. He took the opportunity to talk to baby Alpha about returning.

"_Jacob? I know you can hear me."_

_No answer._

"_Billy needs you. This has gone past selfish on your part, putting him through all this is no better than when your sisters left him."_

An inhumane sound resounded through the pack mind, making me crumble under its monumental weight. Sam fought the submission, his wolf trembled and struggled to remain upright, barely keeping himself together.

Jacob closed himself off once again.

"_Holy shit! What the hell was that?"_

_Sam wheezed in a breath of air. "I don't know. That's the second time it's happened."_

"_Is it because he's the rightful Alpha?"_

"_Probably. Which is why you need to be sure."_

When our patrol ended, Sam asked me to wait for him behind his house. He wanted to talk.

There's no point in rushing over there. I don't care what he had to tell me. The need to see her became unbearable. The knowledge that baby Alpha could come home any day now had my wolf agitated.

No one understood any of this shit. I hated secrets and I had to keep them because of this whole imprint business.

Every muscle ached, my bones hurt, and my head pounded. This miserable way I've been existing would be enough to put a normal person in a coma or make them fucking crazy.

It didn't though.

Instead I was left to live with all this bullshit. _Imprinting_. What a joke. Is this what I have to look forward to? Suffering when I can't see her? Why would I want an imprint?  
Especially one like leech-lover, bitch Swan. She managed to turn my life into a complete living hell since I saved her worthless ass.

_-His body gave way to the fury pumping through his veins - the pain in his heart throbbed through the torture-_

* * *

Someone had their hands on my shoulders, shaking me, trying to wake me up. I did not want to. I needed sleep. So fucking tired. Tired of fighting, of putting all this effort into someone that obviously wasn't meant to be mine.

"Paul! Wake the fuck up, boy!"

I opened one of my eyes to find none other than my goddamn Alpha in my room. "Call me boy one more time and there won't be a command strong enough to stop me from beating your ass."

He rolled his eyes, "Get up. I told you to meet me at my house three hours ago. What's your problem?"

I sat up and popped my neck. "My fucking problem, you son of a bitch, is you're keeping me away from my Bella."

"Back to this shit? And really Paul? Your Bella? Look, I hate to break it to you, but she might not be your imprint. I mean the three days are almost up and you're still in La Push. You don't look like it bothers you or like you are in any pain."

Before he blinked, I grabbed him by his throat and had him pinned against the wall. "Does this look okay to you! Do I look like I'm alright! I can't remember the last time I ate. I barely sleep; she invades every single one of my thoughts. I can't breathe unless she's around me, you asshole! I don't want any part of this! Don't fucking talk to me about the fact that I'm here!"

_- The familiar rage poured over him like acid, demanding a fight; he dropped to his knees, his ragged breaths required extreme effort-  
_

Sam didn't bother coming too close. The truth was if he stepped in front of me, I would pummel his face in so he could feel a fraction of what's been simmering underneath these past couple of days.

"I told you before. If she is your imprint, you will find a way. You don't have much time Paul. Figure it out. Or I will order you to stay within the res boundaries and permanently away from Bella Swan."

He left before I had a chance to respond.

The light faded into darkness. I guess Sam's right. Maybe she wasn't my imprint. I've managed to be away from her this long, even with all the pain.

What the hell does that say about me? I developed an attachment to the girl without an imprint. Whether I liked it or not, it's true.

I snorted when I realized what part of the forest lie ahead. _Guess the wolf missed her more than he let on._

The trip to her house seemed shorter than usual. A hint of her aroma lingered in the air outside. _She smelled so good_.

Chief Swan had his cruiser parked next to her old truck there. Her window remained wide open. She still left it that way, even though I hadn't visited her. I briefly wondered if she missed me. As pissed off as I want to be at this connection, she is a part of me in some way.

A noise startled me out of my thoughts.

_It's her. She's crying._

Damn. The last time I saw her we kissed, and talked about some heavy shit. She probably thinks I used her. I ran my hands through my hair repeatedly, yanking on the ends. Listening to her sniffles gradually began to break something inside me. I didn't want her hurting. Especially not because of me and the fucked up order Sam deemed necessary. Her sobs grew louder.

That's it! I'm not going to let her think I used her. If the chief catches me, then I guess I'm as good as shot, because I'm not standing around listening to her cry.

I bolted across the street and climbed the tree as quick as possible. When I vaulted into her room, she jumped out of her bed and scrambled toward the door. Her presence stripped away every bit of torment I felt since I left her side. Her heart hammered away in her chest.

"Paul?" she whispered.

My words caught in my throat at the sight of her. I walked over and hugged her. She stiffened in my arms for a beat, and then relaxed.

Her voice was muffled against my chest, but I heard what she said. "Where were you? I waited for you, and you didn't show up. Did I do something wrong?"

I threaded my fingers through her hair, "I'm sorry. I just... some things came up. Stuff I can't talk about yet."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed as tight as she could. Peace and contentment vibrated through me. As she sighed and pressed her face against my skin, I realized what this meant...

_I broke the Alpha command... She's my imprint._

* * *

Next update coming soon…


	16. Chapter 14 Master

Short, but important chapter.

Side Note on bottom.

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

"_What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle."_

_-Rumi_

* * *

**Chapter 14 - Master**

* * *

Lying on the grass, growling in intense anguish, sharp teeth bared, the large russet wolf struggled for control against his young keeper. The conflict within depleted all of his energy. In truth, the beast felt proud the youth was conquering his inner demons. Their bloodline would not allow for weakness. There was much that needed to be accepted by his human counterpart.

The horrifying visions ceased the moment his master's dominance began to overpower his own. The protector waited, and felt as the young man matured. His true dominant nature pumped viciously through his veins. The wolf relished in the knowledge that the youngling was nearly ready to take what was rightfully his; to return to his home... _to his brown haired goddess_.

The sickening crack of bones breaking echoed throughout the small clearing in the forest. Nearby wildlife fled in fear of the monstrous predator.

Tormented howls, painful snarls and whimpers left the wolf panting in exhaustion. He attempted to stand only to crumble from the strenuous act. The thirst and hunger was unimaginable, but he would not waver in his control.

A surge of rage bled through the behemoth wolf... _it was not his own_.

His master forced the undeniable submission. The battle was won.

The large snout shrank away, fur transformed into flesh, and the loud roar changed to a human, masculine yell of laborious triumph.

Sweat glistened on his caramel colored skin. Ragged, heated breaths misted over his older, hardened features. He stretched his body and took note of the drastic changes. The warrior's mind processed all that has come to pass; as much as he desired to thrive in his wolf bowing down, he needed to discipline the phase.

He was a born leader, not a follower. And before long, he would begin the journey to the reservation…

* * *

_**Meanwhile…**_

_**In Ithaca, NY…**_

Rosalie sat at her vanity brushing her long, blond hair. She spoke briefly to Carlisle, when she arrived from her trip, about the human girl and how she was indeed alive. She then begged her adoptive father to only tell Alice that Bella was well and happy.

Out of everyone in the Cullen coven, Carlisle understood why she hoped against all hope the girl would never see Edward again. Humanity is something Rosalie craved, something she would give up eternity for. As much as she adored Emmett, if she had the chance to be human again and experience motherhood, she would give all she had just to hold her own biological child in her arms.

A shriek of happiness from downstairs pierced her ears… _Who on earth_…

Alice and Jasper were in the middle of embracing Esme and relaying their discoveries from Mississippi. Alice grabbed Esme's hand and smiled at their adoptive mother, "Guess who else came home?"

One very disheveled, tired looking Edward walked through the front door. Esme ran toward him and helped him onto the couch. "What happened to you?"

Edward put his head in his hands, "I couldn't find Victoria. I searched through all of South America and even sought out help from Zafrina and the Amazonian coven. Not a single trace of her scent was found."

"I doubt she will return to Forks." Carlisle grasped at straws at this point. Anything to keep his word to Rosalie; neither wanted to disrupt the poor human's life again.

Jasper made an irritated noise in his throat, "If you want to ever ensure the girl is safe then you have to destroy Victoria. How this has escaped your mind confounds me. You lived with the Volturi for twenty years; you have studied our kind for longer than that. An eye for an eye; a mate for a mate… or in this case a _pet_."

Edward flashed across the room and pushed Jasper against the wall. "Do not call Bella that word."

Jasper sneered at him, and grabbed him by the throat, "The truth hurts doesn't it, boy."

Alice's eyes clouded over; she was in the middle of looking into the future again. Rosalie prayed she was not glimpsing anywhere near the human… but she should have known better than to confuse the Seer as unselfish.

"Enough you two. Fighting doesn't solve anything, and besides the decision has been made. We will be moving back to Forks soon."

Jasper released his hold on Edward and asked his wife, "Victoria?"

Alice shook her head, "No. That much I can see. I just know we will be there."

Carlisle ran his fingers through his hair, "Is there a reason we need to disturb Isabella's life once we are in Washington?"

"We are not going! I told her it would be as if I didn't exist. Why would we go back? I'm trying to protect her!" Edward shouted.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. _Lies, lies, and more lies_. She knew it was only a matter of time before the eternal pubescent teen attempted to retrieve his human pet. Her _brother _glared at her and it served as a reminder to guard her thoughts.

"What are you hiding, Rosalie?" His tone infuriated her. He spoke to her as if she were a petulant child. Her lip curled over her teeth as she snarled at him.

"None of your fucking business, little boy."

Fully aware of the fact that he could try to dig into her mind, Rosalie ran out of the mansion. When she was close to Slaterville Springs, she pulled the cell phone out of her pocket and dialed a number she had hoped would never need to be used…

* * *

**Next chapter up on tomorrow…**

Side Note: Keep in mind the pairing changes from Chapter 1 – Summary and Notes. It will soon begin to change.


	17. Chapter 15 Return

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

_"We only see two things in people – what we want to see and what they want to show us."_

* * *

**Chapter 15 – Return**

* * *

**Paul**

After she held onto me for a while, she took my hand and led me to her bed. I made myself comfortable first, then she snuggled in next to me, resting her head on the shared pillow.

The only question going through my mind was - _does this mean she is supposed to be mine?_

Sam said I would find a way around the order if she was my imprint. I wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe I'm only able to be here because I was not focused on anything other than her.

I just couldn't fucking do it - let her be so hurt. It tore at me.

Her small, cool fingers touched my cheek. Being away from her for so long had been torture. And as much as I hated it, I'd missed her. She didn't have conversations with me like I was uneducated, or try to hurry and fuck like most women did. Even though she didn't know about _who_ I am, she made me feel _normal_.

Shit was changing, and fast. It's all different now - Bella soothed subtle parts of me with her shy demeanor and genuine, innocent nature .

Her soft voice disrupted my train of thought, "I know you said you can't talk about it, but I want some answers, Paul. You can't just vanish and come back and expect me to be okay with it."

I wrapped my arm around her, "I will tell you. Just not now. I have to be sure of some things first."

She buried her face in the crook of my neck. Her outtake of breath tickled my skin. "That's fine."

We talked for an hour, catching up on what she had been up to since the last time I saw her. She shared her worries for her father. He volunteered to help the Seattle police department this weekend. They needed some extra help, and Forks was covered by his deputies. Their father-daughter relationship was mending after the hell she put him through.

The high school dismissed classes early tomorrow, and the Chief was due to leave after she left in the morning.

Bella's heartbeat hammered in her chest. _She was nervous. _"What's wrong?"

She tapped my shoulder and when I moved, she scoot away from me. She gave me an anxious smile. "Do you want to have dinner with me later? I mean not just dinner, but well, we can talk or watch a movie, I guess..."

I'm pretty sure there was a question somewhere in there. "Dinner. Here. With you?"

Her face heated up in embarrassment. "Yeah... that's if you don't have any plans. If you do, don't worry about it. I should have-"

She gasped when I pressed my lips against hers. I didn't know if this was okay to do, but she was too damn cute. _Fucking pansy ass._

"The answer is yes. In case you missed it."

She turned over and hid her head under the pillow, muttering to herself. I shook my head and chuckled.

_Polar opposites_.

* * *

The sound of her steady heartbeat dulled the ache from the last few days. When light began to streak through the window, I knew it was time to leave. I kissed her forehead and very carefully slipped out of her bed. As soon as I jumped off the tree, my lungs constricted, making it difficult to take in oxygen again. Fucking painful, but it was milder than what I'd been living with prior to spending the night. The solace I had this go round was knowing I _would_ be coming back later.

The run to Sam's house didn't take long. It was early as fuck, but I had to tell him what happened. I knocked on his door and waited for him to come outside. He took one look at me and rubbed his hands over his face. "She's your imprint."

"Yeah. I guess. I mean the order broke." I shoved my hands in my pockets, and awkwardly shifted my feet. "So, what do we do now?"

"We don't do anything. You will have to talk to the council, and then you can decide if you _want _the imprint."

"What do you mean _want _the imprint?"

"You're not stuck with her, Paul. I've thought about this from every angle, in case you did break the command. The marking and claiming haven't taken place. So, maybe there's still a way out for you. You _hate_ the girl. I have never seen you harbor such a strong dislike over someone like you do for her."

His tone really pissed me off. "What the fuck do you mean? Why did me not claiming my imprint even pop in your head, Uley? Aren't you happy as a cat eating shit with yours?"

Sam glared at me. "Exactly, you prick. I _am_ happy with Emily. You aren't even mildly content with the girl. You fucking _hate_ her."

"So then why the hell is she my imprint? Why do I have all these damn conflicting feelings toward her?"

"_Do _you have feelings for her?"

I shrugged my shoulders, and then ran my fingers through my hair. "Something like that. I like her, or at least I started to. _Fuck_. I don't know."

"I guess it's irrelevant either way. Whether you want her or not, she is your imprint." For the first time since I've known him, Sam looked exhausted.

He quietly paced in front of the porch and continued, "Are you ready to deal with any fallout that comes your way from Jacob? Because you know as well as I do he is not going to take any of this lightly. He has loved that girl since they were kids."

Knowing baby Alpha wanted my imprint sent furious shivers up my spine.

"I'll deal with junior Alpha later. I just came here to let you know I broke the order. According to _your_ explanation that means she is mine. I'm heading back over there this afternoon."

Sam appeared even more tired, if that was even possible. "Fine. You're patrolling tomorrow."

There was no other reason to stick around, so I left.

I didn't have anything pack related pending, and my house looked like a wreck from being neglected over the 'is she or isn't she' imprint test. After cleaning, I showered and changed clothes. The lack of sleep was taking its toll on me, and my bed looked really comfortable. _What the hell, might as well sleep while I have the opportunity._

* * *

When I opened my eyes, it only seemed like five minutes passed; _fuck_, it was almost time to go to Bella's...

Once I crossed the border into Forks, and the closer I got to the Swan house, the looser that fucked up grip around my heart became.

I stood across the road, in the same place as the previous night. She pulled into her driveway ten minutes later.

Everything that happened inside the house was easily heard from my position. She called the Chief and asked him how his trip to Seattle had been. He relayed his schedule and let her know he would be home Monday. He called Billy on the way out of town and asked him to check on Bella. He also asked her to drive to Billy's on Saturday, even if only for an hour. The Chief needed reassurances she would be in constant contact with someone. She asked him if a girl named Angela could come by after she visited Billy. Her father sounded all too relieved at her request and said yes.

Bella dialed another number. She greeted her friend, Angela; the girl sounded happy to hear from her. Lots of female-type chatting followed, then Bella asked if she could sleep over on Saturday. Her friend explained she had a date with a guy named Ben, but she could come over after. Plans were worked out, and then some giggling and talking about another girl named Jessica.

_Fuck me! Chicks talk too damn much. I just eavesdropped on what half the population of Forks was up to._

I heard her walk up the creaky steps to her room. There was a lot of moving and shuffling around. It sounded like furniture being arranged. My breath caught in my throat when I glanced up at the open window and saw her sitting beside it. A sliver of sunlight touched her milky skin, giving her a healthy glow, and the peacefulness exuded from her as she read a book - _beautiful_.

There goes the pansy way of thinking again. _Is that shit ever going to go away?_

I was so caught up in the sight of her, everything else seemed to fade off. A loud, ferocious roar echoed through the trees. Instant, unimaginable pain shot through my right shoulder. The sharp intensity of it made me cry out in agony as I was being dragged backwards, deep into the forest. I struggled with every ounce of strength to break free, when a familiar scent invaded my senses. The realization of who it crashed down like a ton of bricks.

_Jacob._

* * *

**Bella**

_Stop thinking and get your head together_. I rolled my eyes at myself - as if that's going to happen any time soon.

Jake and Paul.

Those two were all I could think about when I wasn't occupying myself.

Paul disappearing brought back some the abandonment issues I thought were gone. Thankfully, Charlie saw me starting to weaken, and he helped. He came into my room and told me to get my ass up. He wasn't going to put up with the wallowing again. And, I did.

Charlie asked me to teach him how to cook. Bizarre as it may be, we bonded over recipes. Though Paul's vanishing act saddened me, I reminded myself it made no sense to obsess about things you can't change.

I did like Paul, a lot. But he wasn't Jacob, and I missed _him_. Every day that passed since our friend date, the pull at my heart strings grew.

They _both _made me feel a multitude of emotions.

Then he appeared in my room, after the initial scare, relief washed over me. _He was alive, and he was here._

There was no way I could pretend he didn't fall off the face of the planet. I needed answers and only he could give them to me. The big one I already figured out; he wasn't fully human. He had responsibilities elsewhere, but did he have any family? Was his life mostly normal except for the supernatural aspect? I wanted to know where he had been. If he didn't want to stay away, then what kept him from seeing me? And were we just friends?

A loud roar from outside made the hair on my arms stand.

When I peeked out the window, what I saw made my blood run cold. Paul. Dragged into the woods, by something huge.

I jumped off the chair, ran down the stairs and out the door.

"Paul!"

Once I reached the space where he had been, I looked for any signs of him.

_Nothing_.

After a beat, sounds of wild dogs growling ripped through the sky.

Paul told me to be safe. I should go home and wait. But if he's in trouble, who is going to help him? Whatever grabbed him was larger than anything I had ever seen.

_Think. Think. Think._

Then it hit me - Charlie had a handgun in the house for protection. I'd never held or even shot one, but if it could help then I would do it.

I hurried back to the house, snatched the gun off the top shelf in Charlie's closet, and then bolted toward the forest.

The distinct racket of animals fighting became louder. The horrific noises made my stomach lurch. There were trees snapped in half, boulders pulverized into rubble, and so much chaos leading the way to a small clearing. The scene a few yards away was petrifying.

A giant reddish-brown wolf and a slightly smaller dark grey wolf, tearing chunks out of one another. The bigger russet colored one brutally tossed the grey one by the scruff of the neck. The grey wolf kept charging at the other, only to have the goliath red beast bite and claw at its fur. Their rage palpable in the air surrounding their combat.

_What are they?_

Curiosity started to get the best of me. _No_. Can't focus on that. Stay quiet. Hidden from their sight.

Steadying my hands proved to be a monumental task. I was shaking like a leaf. _Just shoot_. One bullet, that's it; maybe try and wound it. Then go search for Paul. They would scamper away if injured or being shot at. _Didn't they?_

God, I hope this works.

I took my time, breathed deep, carefully aimed, and fired.

The wolf yelped and collapsed on the ground. The other stood eerily still as it looked down at its writhing and whining rival. What happened next made my heart clench in pain - the animal on the grass transformed before my eyes; its lupine whine morphed into an excruciating, gruesome scream.

Oh no...

**_It's him_**_!_

* * *

Quote from the TV show – _Dexter_ – as said by, _Harry Morgan_.

* * *

**Side Note:**

_Apologies for the delay._

_Also, if there is any confusion as to why the pairing labeling will be changing soon (multiple times), or the partial imprint, please read Chapter 1 – Summary and Notes._

_Thank you for taking the time to read. It means a lot that so many of you are enjoying the story so far. New chapter up soon. :)_


	18. Chapter 16 Blackest Truths

_Side Note on bottom of chapter..._

* * *

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

"_This that is tormented and very tired,_

_tortured with restraints like a madman,_

_this heart."_

_-Rumi_

* * *

**Chapter 16 - Blackest Truths**

* * *

**Jacob**

A red haze of fury washed over my vision. Another male stared at _my_ Bella, completely absorbed by her. All recognition, names, and places dissolved into the oblivion as the need to destroy overwhelmed me.

When we both tumbled into the thick forest, the other male wretched himself free, and phased.

'_Baby Alpha wants to play… how about you look at what your sweet Bella was doing last night…'_

Images of Bella touching, holding, and kissing this pack-mate bombarded my thoughts.

He snarled and pounced. With a swipe of my paw, his form crashed into the trees and large boulders. Even as he struggled, he replayed his memories into the pack mind.

Volcanic, toxic hatred for the rival clouded every other emotion. The fight ensued, the wolf demanded retribution for another male touching what he viewed as ours, and I could not agree more.

'_Jacob! You will stop!'_

'_Stay out of it, Sam. This does not concern you.'_

Chunks of grey fur littered the grass; the metallic taste of blood only served to feed the fires of the inferno inside.

The grey wolf limped and growled as he circled around me. Looking for any weaknesses. A cacophony of far away howls assaulted my ears, the earth vibrated as the rest of the wolves raced toward our location.

'_Jake, come on. He's hurt. Stop before someone gets killed.'_

'_Fuck him! Come on, Junior. Let's see if you grew some balls after running away like a bitch.'_

'_Shut up, Paul! Stop baiting him!'_

'_Jacob, don't make me give you an order.'_

The presumed leader's tone was not welcome, the time has come for him to realize the truth of our hierarchy.

'_You will __not__ interfere. I was not born to follow Levi Uley's heir.'_

The black wolf skidded and tumbled to a halt, collapsing under the weight of the command. He was not meant to be the Alpha. The silver animal saw an opening and attempted to ram into me. Instinct took over, my jaws locked onto his neck and hurled him across the clearing.

Crunching leaves and soft foot falls alerted to a nearing presence.

Feminine. Clean. Jasmines. _Her... _She was close. Her luscious scent blanketed my senses...

'_Jake! Paul! Get your asses back to the res!'_

A loud _bang. _

Ringing in my ears.

Blood poured down one of my limbs, searing pain forced the phase to my human body.

"No, no, no, Jake! Oh god, you're - wolf!"

Cool fingers skimmed my overheated skin.

"_FUCK!" _I opened my eyes and there she was, hovering over my side, tears streaming down her face. She pressed her hand against the injury.

"Motherfuck that hurts!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shoot you and now you're hurt and bleeding... Jake, I'm so sorry." - she pushed the hair away from my sweaty forehead and continued to weep. She was being hysterical and frantically trying to help me.

"I'm not dying, Bells. It's just a... wait - _fuck that burns_ - where the hell?"

A still phased Paul stared at Bella. She hadn't notice him standing there.

"Go back to the res. You're too close and you could hurt her." His muscles tensed as the impulse to obey the order grasped him. Bella turned around to see who I was talking to, but he was gone.

"Who are you talking to? - The other wolf... is it like you? Where did it go?"

Sam and Embry barreled through the trees, both as humans. The wound began to knit closed with the bullet inside. Someone would have to dig it out for it to heal properly.

"Em, go get the shorts from Jared."

At that moment, Bella noticed I was naked. Her cheeks flamed and she looked in the other direction.

Embry returned with a slightly-too-small pair of cut-offs and tossed them over my lower half. Bella turned as he helped me put them on. With a great amount of effort, he supported most of my weight on him.

"Shit! That stings! Where are we going to take care of this?"

Sam glanced at Bella before answering, "We should head to your dad's house. She can't-"

Bella ran to my side, "I'm not leaving. Not until I know he is going to be okay."

Sam shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, nervous energy radiated from him. "I wasn't going to ask you to leave. I was going to say you can't exactly be left alone right now. You probably have questions, and there are some things that need to be discussed with you as well. It would be best if you came with us. I can carry you. Jake and Embry will be faster without having to worry about you tripping every three feet."

My shoulder throbbed, and the loss of blood made me dizzy. Concentrating became difficult. Darkness crept around the edges. The last thing I saw before I fell over Embry was Bella's being carried away by Sam...

* * *

A very livid Billy Black listened patiently to the Alpha as he explained why his son had a hole in his arm and why his best friend's daughter would not leave his son's side.

"Chief, you have to understand, Jake... he is taking over the Alpha position. I couldn't make him leave. And then Paul made things worse by taunting him."

"Why was Lahote there? What the hell happened today, boy?!"

Sam hung his head. "Paul and Bella, they... well... hell there isn't an easy way to say this, they are partially imprinted. They have been spending some time together, and he was waiting to see her when Jacob showed up."

Billy's blood pressure rose; he attempted to level out his temper. "So, you knew Lahote may have imprinted on Bella the day you asked for a Council meeting. You knew there was a possibility that Chief Swan's daughter, who is like my own, could be an imprint and you did not deem it necessary to inform the Council?"

Sam paled at the question.

"Have you lost your mind? Did you think you could keep such a thing to yourself? Damn it Sam, I respected and trusted your judgement, as an adult and as the Alpha. You did not even come to me, one on one, to seek guidance. Jacob may be my son, and he may have loved that girl since he could understand the concept, but my duty as Chief of this tribe and as head of the Council always comes first. I cannot fathom why you didn't think anyone needed to know that the most volatile wolf in the pack imprinted on an innocent like her?"

"She's hardly an innocent. She was a Cullen acquaintance before she rekindled her friendship with Jacob."

A rumbling growl from inside the house jarred the door.

Billy sighed and felt old for the first time in quite a few years. He narrowed his eyes at the stand-in Alpha. "There will be consequences for your actions. Trust that my son will not let this go easily. The Council will reconvene to speak to you, Jacob, and Paul. Harry would also like to meet with you at his house soon. You may want to prepare yourself; it's about Leah... She moved away from the reservation."

All of the oxygen knocked out of Sam's lungs. "_Leah..._ left? Why?"

"_That_ is a conversation best left between you and Harry. Now, where is Paul?"

"Jacob ordered him to return to La Push. I can't demand he phase back since it was an order placed by the rightful Alpha."

Billy nodded in understanding, then asked Sam to leave him be for now; to go do what he would normally do. He stayed on the front porch waiting for Old Quil to come back with the medical supplies to remove the bullet out of his son.

He had a feeling things were only beginning to become complicated. Soon, Jacob would wake and Bella would have one very upset Alpha to deal with.

* * *

I recognized her soft touch. Bella. _My _Bells. How I missed her...

A bombardment of the memories Paul showed me came into my mind.

She kissed him.

She touched him.

I could feel the rising anger at her actions since I'd left. I opened my eyes to find her tracing the now mended place where the bullet had been. Her puffy red eyes evidence of how much she had been crying.

She spoke softly, as if she were afraid I would disappear. "I was so scared you wouldn't wake up."

As hard as I tried to be sympathetic, I couldn't help but give in to the minuscule petulance that lingered within. "Yeah, you were real concerned about me when you had your tongue down Paul's throat."

She staggered back as if I'd slapped her. "How did you - did Paul-"

Bella's gaze softened as she connected the dots and clues together. "Paul is the other wolf, isn't he?"

Hearing her say his name further increased the mounting animosity toward the other male. I stood up off the couch and towered over her. "Out of anyone in all of Forks and La Push, Paul didn't even register as someone you might have developed an interest in."

She wrapped her arms around herself like she used to when the Cullen parasite abandoned her. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "No! You don't get to fall apart. You don't have the fucking right. You used me, Bells! You called yourself my friend, my best fucking friend, and you use me to get information on the bloodsuckers. You lied to me! And then to add insult to injury, you let Paul -the res man whore- touch you!"

Her mouth opened and closed, the ability to create sentences failed her for a moment. "What do you mean - _oh_. He sleeps around... _I get it._"

"Of course he does! Why would you do that! To yourself! To me!" The windows in the living room rattled.

Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes glistened. "Don't yell at me Jake! I didn't know and for your information I still don't know much about him. The only thing that mattered to me was that Paul was there when you weren't. He was the one who was there for me to talk to and listen to. It hasn't been a cake walk for me either. Do you think I liked to feel this every single day? I felt your distance from me, right here!" She touched the place above her heart.

"It was too hard and too goddamn much to see through everyone's mind how you fucking used me! Then I get back and Paul shows me what the hell you've been up to with him. What do you expect from me?!"

Bella shook her head, causing the tears to fall down her cheeks. She reached out to touch my arm, but pulled her hand back. "I don't know how he showed you anything... You will never truly know how sorry I am for what I did to you. I can't change how I used you. And to be honest, I don't think I would. It lead me to seek you out. To be near you. I needed you then, and I still need you now..."

Nothing else she said mattered. She admitted she needed me, but _how_ did she need me? _Did she love me like I have loved her? _The sound of her feet shuffling toward the door snapped me back to the present.

She couldn't leave. I didn't have the strength to let her go.

I yanked her back and hugged her close. Her small arms wrapped around my waist, warm tears landed on my chest. She whimpered another apology. I was still sorting through more emotions than I have ever felt, and there were things we needed to talk about; however _this_ is what I wanted more than anything else. To hold her and breathe in her fresh jasmine aroma.

"Shhhh... I'm not going to say it's okay and all is forgiven, because it isn't. I wouldn't lie to you like that; but we will try and get through this. I promise you."

I heard _him _stalking the perimeter of the house. His steady growling grew as the argument between Bella and I escalated. I knew he could understand me if I whispered low enough.

"_You and I need to talk."_

My dad chose that moment to wheel through the front door. He regarded Bella with a soft smile. "Bella, sweetheart, call Charlie and tell him you'll be staying here for a couple of days. You can sleep in Becca and Rachel's old room. You look like some rest could do you a bit of good."

She nodded and released me to go over to my father.

"Thank you." She kissed him on the cheek and lazily made her way down the hall to my sisters' room.

"I'm glad you're home son."

I stared at the empty hallway and listened to Bella move around the bed, seeking comfort and sleep.

"Paul is outside. He's still phased."

_Fucking Paul_.

I rolled my shoulders and popped my neck. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Dad. Paul and I need to hash some issues out. Keep an eye on Bells."

I was out the door before he could reply. Walking around the house, I stepped into the treeline and waited for him to show himself. The grey wolf trotted out of the shadows. My fists clenched involuntarily. I gulped in air and steadied my emotions, then phased.

'_Show me everything that's happened since I left.'_

* * *

**Side Note:**

Remember the pairing changes - Chapter 1: Summary & Notes

Oh, and Jacob doesn't know about the partial imprint yet. Or much else. Just the bits Paul shared to get under his skin. In case anyone was wondering.

Thank you for taking the time to read.


	19. Chapter 17 The Clearwaters

Part of last chapter to focus on for this update...

_Billy sighed and felt old for the first time in quite a few years. He narrowed his eyes at the stand-in Alpha. "There will be consequences for your actions. Trust that my son will not let this go easily. The Council will reconvene to speak to you, Jacob, and Paul. Harry would also like to meet with you in private. So that you may prepare yourself, it is about Leah. She left yesterday."_

_All of the oxygen was knocked out of Sam's lungs. "Leah... she left? Why?"_

_"That is a conversation that needs to happen between you and Harry. Now, where is Paul?"_

* * *

Side Note on the bottom.

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

_"That moon which the sky never saw,  
_

_Even in dreams,_

_Has risen again."_

_-Rumi_

* * *

**Chapter 17 – The Clearwaters**

* * *

Leah zipped the last bag closed and glanced around her bedroom in her parents' house. A bit of melancholy crept through her. In a way, she would miss living in La Push. Her mother understood the desperation she felt to leave this place though. A majority of the reason could be summed in one name – _Sam_.

His betrayal still haunted her. Her cousin's disloyalty hurt far more than Sam's had. The bitter reality that cut her already beaten heart, her own father remained friends with the new couple.

Leah forced herself to push back the feelings of unworthiness. She would not do that to herself again. Nor would she shed another tear for Sam, or Emily, or for her father.

She loved her father, but the days of daddy's girl were long gone.

Her mother refused to talk to her father unless it was out of necessity. Neither women comprehended the reasoning behind what he did. The secret meetings at the Council building with the rest of the Elders, and Sam. Gradually, other res boys joined in on these secret meetings. Their changes astounded Leah and her mother.

Her cellphone vibrated in her pocket, breaking her from the confusing, painful memories.

_Lee, going to hang out with Collin. Tell mom. Be home for dinner. - Seth_

She powered off the device and tossed it on the mattress. She walked to her dresser and touched the envelope for her brother. She could not bring herself to say goodbye to him in person. A letter waited for him instead; explaining, and hoping he wasn't too young to understand.

"Leah, honey, the taxi is here." Her mother hollered.

She wrangled the rest of her luggage and took her time with each step down the stairs. Carefully cataloging the pictures on the wall, the heady aroma of home, and the comfortable surroundings.

When she finally stood in front of her mother, the strongest woman she knew broke into gut wrenching sobs.

"I miss you already... Be careful. Call every night..." -tears cascaded down her cheeks - "Don't talk to anyone on the bus ride. Go by the Police Station in Forks, ask for Chief Swan and tell him I sent you for some mace. There are a lot of crazies out there. Call me from the dorm, or from a payphone, or any way you can. I'm rambling, I know, but I need to hear from you Leelee."

Leah dropped her bags and clung to her mother. The facade of strength deteriorated as she allowed herself to feel the extent of her decision. She loved her mother; she was Leah's rock during the harsh days after Sam left her for Emily.

Sue breathed in her daughter's perfume once more, and then pulled away. Leah looked so much like her, inside and out. "I'm so proud of you. I love you, baby. Always."

Leah sniffled and wiped her face, "Me too, Mom... I just - I _need _this. I left Seth's letter on my dresser. Give him a hug for me."

Sue nodded and watched with a heavy heart as her only daughter trudged her luggage to the taxi, waved one last time, and was driven away from home.

* * *

Seth closed the front door quietly. Dinner simmered on the stove, so he turned it off. He heard his parents arguing, again. They seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. He would have tuned them out, except he heard his sister's name.

"_I don't give a shit about Council secrecy, Harry! Leah is our only daughter. Your flesh and blood, and you turned your back on her!"_

"_I did not turn my back on my family! She wanted to leave. This was her choice!"_

"_Because of you and that son of a bitch Sam! Don't get me started on the whore, Emily! I let her go, Harry. I let my daughter go as far away as possible because of all the pain she went through. And then for you, her own father, to be friendly with the two people who stabbed her in the back, that's just the icing on the damn cake."_

"_You think I want to be chummy with the kid who hurt my little girl?!"_

"_Why are you? What does the Council have to do with Sam and Emily and the rest of the boys I've seen come out of the building? I'm far from stupid, Harry. I know there's something going on."_

Seth opened the door to his sister's room... _empty_. The bed was stripped of its sheets, the pictures on the walls, gone; her computer was missing, and all her girly trinkets were nowhere to be found.

Sitting on the white dresser was an envelope with his name scribbled on the front. He ripped it open and began to read...

_..._

_Seth,_

_I'm sorry about not saying bye to you before I left. It would just be too hard. So, here goes... I accepted the scholarship to go to college in Pullman. Being around La Push, where Sam and I created memories, seeing him with Emily... I just can't anymore. I need to move on. It's time for me to grow. _

_Watch over Mom. I love Dad, but things aren't the same as they used to be. He's not taking care of our family like he should. That's not me being angry, it's the truth. One day, maybe I'll understand why he made those choices._

_Time for some advice while I'm gone: Don't get anyone pregnant. Study hard. There's a bigger world out there. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. _

_I'll call you and Mom soon. _

_-Leelee_

...

Anger grabbed the young boy, pumping ferociously through him. His only sibling left without a word. Just a flimsy piece of paper and sentences that in the end meant nothing. Seth's pulse raced, sweat trailed down his forehead, his muscles began to viciously ache. He crumbled the paper and paced the room, groaning in agony. The fury within continued to grow - _What's happening to me? -_

"Mom! Dad! Somethings wron-" his cry for help caught in his throat. His legs gave out. Every bone in his body cracked in a horrid symphony. A scream of sheer terror ripped through him. Cold hands touched his fiery skin. Familiar voices surrounded him.

"Seth! Oh god! Harry! What's wrong with him?"

"Step back, Sue! Don't touch him. I have to call Sam."

He opened his eyes and saw his mother pushing his father. Obscenities spewed from her as she argued with him about Sam... _Sam_. The piece of shit who hurt his sister.

His father grabbed his mother by her arms and bellowed, "Goddamnit Sue! We need him to help our son!"

Seth's hoarse warning stopped Harry cold, "Do not touch her. I'll kill you if you put your hands on her again."

Before his father could reply, the young boy's vision blurred, his fingernails ripped through the carpet, the smell of blood surrounded him. His body throbbed to the beat of his frantic heart.

The petrifying transformation began.

Frightened shrieks echoed in his ears.

In the boy's place stood a large, sandy hued wolf...

* * *

Thank you so much for all the reviews and kind words.

Updating again soon. Next chapter is Jacob and Paul.


	20. Chapter 18 Aggression

**Do Not Own Twilight.**

* * *

_Chapter 16 - Blackest Truths -_

_I rolled my shoulders and popped my neck. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Dad. Paul and I need to hash shit out. Keep an eye on Bells."_

_I was out the door before he could reply. Walking around the house, I stepped into the treeline and waited for him to show himself. The grey wolf trotted out of the shadows. My fists clenched involuntarily. I gulped in air and steadied my emotions, then phased._

_'Show me everything that's happened since I left.'_

Now on with the continuation...

* * *

**Chapter 18 – Aggression**

* * *

**Jacob**

My mind didn't feel as if it was my own anymore. After all the suffering to master the wolf, and the continued struggle to reign in the caged fury, it didn't seem right to be passive.

This particular pack member was testing what restraint I had left. His hatred stemmed from different places - for himself, for me, for Bella, and an older dark-haired woman...

"_Get the fuck out of my head!"_

"_I said show me what's happened since I left."_

Paul snarled at the repeated Alpha command.

_"Are you sure you want to do this, Junior? You might not like what you see about fragile Bella Swan."_ The tone he used sent a rancorous jolt through me, tempting the beast to maim and destroy this new rival.

He was still healing. It would be dishonorable to challenge him while he remained in a weakened state.

_"You will respect the rightful Alpha, Paul. Do as I asked."_

He stamped away his emotions and opened his mind. I was not prepared for the events as they flowed…

_A female vampire with bright red-orange hair, cackling, threatens a defeated looking Bella. Vacant brown eyes stared at the leech, an expression resembling relief on her face…_

_The sugared bleach fumes stir the animal inside him. He wakes, but does not transform, though the energy pulses through him. The hand holding the vampire's neck bleeds profusely…_

_A warm humming sensation fills him, disturbing and intriguing all at once. Hatred toward Bella remains but is somehow tainted when he gazed into her eyes. The grey wolf scratches at his insides, purring when her fingers touch his skin…_

_Another dark-haired girl. Her face changes from Bella to the girl. Hatred. Lust. Confusion. Rage. The girl giggles, "You're great in bed, but definitely not boyfriend material. Call me if you change your mind."_

_Whispered words in the dark stab at him, "Please don't leave me. Stay."_

_- Days run together…_

"_Why are you skipping days?"_

"_I didn't see her for a while."_

_- Pictures run through his mind. Things I don't want to see Bella doing with him._

"_She's still untouched. Don't fucking over-analyze every little snip you get."_

His tone incinerated my resolve… in one swift movement he was pinned under me, jaws locked on the back of his neck. Submission is not a request.

"_I am __**not**__ Sam. It's best for you to remember that before I push honor aside."_

He does not move, but his memories continue.

_Sam appears in one of the images. A warning. Pain in his chest. Intense loathing._

"_Figure it out and fast. We don't know when Jacob is coming back, but when he does, I have a feeling he will try to go looking for Bella."_

_Unwanted possessive feeling. Take. Claim. Mine. "There's something else… I love someone… but he's not here. I don't know how, I can just feel he's not close. He's from the res too… I couldn't breathe right without him. He's my best friend, and he helped me through so much. It hurt. He's gone and I miss him."_

_He kisses her._

Releasing his neck, a roar erupts from my chest. "_That's enough!"_

My heart ached. I knew they shared intimate moments. A repeat performance was unnecessary.

From bits and pieces Paul shared, I had a better understanding of what she went through. He'd kept her safe, even from her failed attempt at ending her own life.

A vivid image of Jared imprinting forced its way to the forefront of my mind. Paul did not feel as intensely about Bella, yet she might be his imprint? The stale scent of his hatred and self loathing lingered as though I'd been standing there with them. It was so thick it made my stomach churn. Even now, through spending time with her and being around her, he fought himself. Man and wolf wanted two different outcomes of this imprint.

_"I can hear what you're thinking. If you want to keep your musings private I suggest we phase back."_

I released him and the bonds of my order. Once in our human skin, Paul groaned and lied on his side in the dirt. Angry marks all over him mended at a progressively slow rate.

"Are they supposed to take that long?"

"I don't fucking know. Why not go inside and ask your dad why the fuck this is taking forever? _Shit!_"

The open wound on his neck, already tethering closed, had a steady stream of blood dripping on the leaves.

"Wait here. I'm going to call Old Quil."

Paul snorted and rolled his eyes. "It isn't like I can go anywhere."

That tone made me bare my teeth at him and snarl. He jerked at the sound, his anger and resentment palpable.

_Calm. I need this tension to ease_. Taking in the immediate sounds in the area, wild birds chirping, the voice coming from inside the house, my father's heartbeat, and finally what I was searching for; the slow, steady sound of Bella's heart as she slept. It centered me.

After a quick glance at Paul, I jogged toward the back door.

* * *

**Paul**

Little Alpha being protective of Bella was making my blood boil. Who the fuck did he think he was? Keeping a wolf from his imprint?

Jacob had another thing coming if he thought I was going to roll over and let him take her away. She hasn't been told the story of our ancestors or about the partial imprint because she refused to leave his side until he woke.

Why did I even care? We weren't together or whatever the hell this is.

_You care because she's your imprint... _I fucking hate you. Traitor, masochistic wolf.

I've had to hear her talk to him from the area around the Black house; telling him she cares about him, pleading for him to come back to her. The bile rose in my throat when she uttered his name.

I knew this could possibly happen. Hell, she told me she loved him. She didn't tell him though. _Why?_ He came back for her that much was obvious.

Maybe Bella does not know what she wants after all. We had plans before the proverbial shit hit the fan. And now, the Chief would want her to stay in his house. She was like a daughter to him.

_What the fuck is taking so damn long?_

As if Junior heard me, he came out the door with some shorts in his hands and a bottle of water.

"He said stay still and he'll be here soon. I'm going to call Sam. I'll be back to check on you when Quil Senior gets here."

Before he left again, I asked him the question that had been burning on my lips, "What are we going to do about Bella?"

He stopped and for a second, the tremors of a phase shook him. He breathed in deep and seemingly calmed himself enough to answer.

"That's up to her." –He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, "So you're warned, I'm not giving up on her. I love her too much."

He went inside the house and I dressed, then gulped the water.

"I know you won't. She wormed her way under my skin. I despise that I'm so fucking weak… and I don't think I can give up either."

I rubbed my hands over my face and attempted to rehearse what I should tell her, what I _had_ to tell her. A pained, new howl echoed through the forest.

_Someone else phased._

* * *

**...**

Near the tree line, by the house he shared with his imprint, Sam's thoughts were consumed by a woman who was his first love. _His choice_. Leah.

She left.

Deep down inside, he knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Emily had an affinity for parading around the res, showing her engagement ring to the elder Quileute women of the tribe, in a way ensuring she was a permanent fixture within the Uley family.

Those actions were normal… _Right? _Emily was not Leah. The two were worlds apart in personalities and mannerisms. That was why he assumed the Spirits deemed Emily worthy to be his imprint.

The more Sam pushed himself to question the circumstances, the stranger he felt. His life, from the moment the imprint took place, adapted around Emily. The accident he could never fully forgive himself for, when she dragged his name through the mud and subsequently Leah's, he phased and tried to rip her face apart...

_You can never harm your imprint. _Harry explained this to him when the responsibilities he now bore were outlined. Yet, Sam managed to do the impossible - he almost killed his imprint.

_Why were all these confusing thoughts jumbled in my head?_

The situation with Paul, Jacob, and Bella only increased the heavy burden on his shoulders from the last few days. He needed a solution, guidance, anything to keep him from losing his mind.

Sam tried to breathe, but it caught in his throat. _A man did not cry... A man did not crumble when hardships were thrown at him... _Ramblings of a drunk Joshua that seared themselves into his subconscious.

Just as he was about to make his way toward the cottage, a tormented howl stopped him in his tracks. He did not recognize who it could be. As the animal continued in misery, it dawned on him, this was the sound of a new pack member… and it was coming from the Clearwater house.

He raced down the old familiar path. Within seconds, he burst through the forest and ripped the front door off its hinges.

"Harry! Sue!"

A loud feminine shriek alerted him to where the family was. He stormed to Leah's old room, immediately regretting it as her perfume trampled over him. His chest constricted.

Sue cried out, "Sam! It's Harry… I don't know… and Seth – _Oh, god_ –"

A growl rattled the entire room. He looked over at the sandy wolf only to catch the beast as it charged at him, causing them both to tumble down the stairs.

Somehow, he knew what this was about. The furious energy coming from Seth told him as much. This was about retribution.

* * *

Side Note:

I know I repeat myself in these notes, but considering that I received a few PM's and a review not understanding the pairing change, I just want everyone to comprehend why. Chapter One – Summary and Notes – Re-read if there are any questions.

I wasn't too sure about this chapter, but no matter how many times I rewrote it, it still ended up the same way. Any and all mistakes are mine. Thank you LilyAurora for pre-reading the first half.

Also, thank you all for sticking with me.


	21. Apologies and a Snippet

Many apologies for the lack in updates. Certain things happened that took me on a roller coaster. This fic is my first love, and will be completed.

As a thank you to those who are still reading, here is a tiny snip of the next update (_roughly edited_).

* * *

**Chapter 19 - Phase**

_..._

The older Alpha closed his eyes and prepared himself for the coming punishment. His defeat permeated the air. The knowledge of the lie he lived in, the falsely amplified adoration to a woman he barely knew, stripped him to the raw bone.

_Was this what happened when truth was accepted? _

Every pack member in attendance held their breath, expecting the worst from the enraged golden wolf.

This wasn't our fight. The boy had a right to seek vengeance for the wrongs committed against his sibling.

_"Do what you must; but understand, with every action there is a consequence."_

The russet wolf's dominating presence was mildly stifling. I had to force away the impulse to fight. Brown eyes lingered on me for a brief moment, reminding me that one day, _soon_, it would be us in the middle of the circle... and no one can interfere in a fight for a coveted mate.

* * *

I promise I won't post snippets like this, unless I go too long without updating. Thank you for reading and for sticking with me. Chapter 19 will be up this week.


	22. Chapter 19 Phase

Suggestion: Please review a couple of chapters before, if you would like to refresh your memory on where the characters are emotionally, and what's gone on previously.

Extra note on bottom.

* * *

"_**We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."**_

_**-Oscar Wilde**_

* * *

**Chapter 19 - Phase**

* * *

**Paul**

By the time Old Quil skimmed every injury, they were healed. Definitely slower than other wounds I had sustained in the past - even from a tick. He turned my neck and tested my reflexes as best he could.

"What's the prognosis, Doc?"

He closed his eyes and sent a prayer to our ancestors in Quileute before answering. "The Spirits were watching over you. Jacob tore into your flesh deeply, a little more to any direction and you would have bled out. Be thankful, Paul."

"That's it? It doesn't make sense. I've fought three leeches at once, had gashes a hell of alot deeper than that, and it still didn't take this long to heal."

Quil Senior pursed his lips, then grabbed his medical kit, "I'll speak to Chief Black about the incident. In the meantime, eat some food and rest. Your body needs to replenish itself."

* * *

Going home was not an option. I stayed where I was, watching the Black house for _her_. There was a relishing feeling that came with being in her vicinity, alongside it came the self loathing - an emotion I was all too familiar with. This was what I was reduced to - _lurking_.

Jared's wolf whined from where he was hidden. I jogged to the outgrown trail and phased. The entire pack mind was in disarray. Thoughts of hate, fear, and betrayal thrummed into my head. Sam was being attacked by a sandy colored wolf.

"_Who the fuck is that?! Quil, help him!"_

"_I can't get near them without agitating Seth!" _He growled back.

Jacob's Alpha timbre reverberated through our bodies, ceasing all attempts to aid Sam. _"Stop! Seth, step away from Sam. Quil, check his injuries, make sure he's okay, and ask him why the fuck he allowed the pup to tear into him as a human."_

"_Yes, Alpha." _Quil shook his head, as though in a daze from the automatic response. He did not question the drive to follow Black - it felt _right._

We made our way to where Sam and Seth were. The kid mauled Sam pretty fucking good. I couldn't fathom why he laid there and took it.

"_Listen to his thoughts. This was about righting the wrongs created by Sam before you phased. It has nothing to do with you."_

I growled at Junior Alpha. Regardless of the innate response to follow, he made my skin crawl. Too much was happening, and now, he was assuming the Alpha position without protest from anyone.

Embry snarled at me, snapping his jaws in my direction, _"Because he is a Black, he is the true Alpha. Sam was his stand-in. We all knew this. Quit being a fucking asshole. You two have issues, deal with them later. Right now, we have a pup who is out for blood and Uley seems to have lost all of his fight."_

Standing in a circle, surrounding our two pack-mates, the recent changes hit me like a ton of bricks. Call was right. Since Jacob phased the first time, we all felt the subtle shift in each of us. No one mentioned the occurrence; we simply understood the connection to Black was different than the one to Sam.

* * *

After Quil surveyed Sam's injuries, he phased back and settled in beside Junior. Hours had passed since we gathered here. No one moved a muscle. The pup's thoughts and memories rushed erratically through our minds. His fury made him push against the Alpha command to stand down. Every attempt to charge forward, regardless of his legs secured into place by the order, struck him like a whip. He did not seem to care, focused on only one being - _Sam_.

The older Alpha prepared himself for the coming punishment, as though he knew Seth would not stop. The kid's wrath tangible, begging to be sated; Uley's defeat permeated the air.

I don't know how, but Jacob told him to phase through our mind link, and Sam obeyed. Even in human form, he was compelled to obey. This rose many questions with the rest of the wolves, myself included. _Just how much of being a wolf did the Council leave out?_

As he transformed, the connection between all of us turned to complete chaos. The knowledge of the lie he lived in, the falsely amplified adoration to a woman he barely knew, stripped him to the raw bone. He had nothing left to give.

_Was this what happened when truth was accepted? _

Jared howled in confusion. The implication that he was in the same position as Sam was unacceptable. He adored Kim; she was his imprint... _"But, I never noticed her prior to phasing..."_

Holding our breath, we waited for what was to come next. Fully expecting the worst from the enraged golden wolf. This was not our fight. I had to admit the boy had a right to seek vengeance for the acts committed against his sibling.

_"Do what you feel you need to, Seth; but understand, with every action there is a consequence." _The russet wolf's dominating presence began to feel stifling. Underneath the controlled demeanor was the steady stream of _Bella. _I had to force away the impulse to rip into him. Dark eyes lingered on me for a brief moment, reminding me that one day, _soon_, it would be us in the middle of this circle... and no one can interfere in a match for a coveted mate.

As soon as he was released from the command, Seth pounced on Sam, and the battle for blood continued. Their movements were swift, Sam attempting to sidestep the kid, and Seth biting at whatever limb he managed to lock onto.

I couldn't look any longer. Regardless of how much Uley pissed me off he was my friend. I repeated in my mind, it was not my place to intervene.

Suddenly, I heard _her_.

"_Paul? Are you out here?" _she whispered.

The bonds of the Alpha slid away at the sound of her voice.

"_You can't keep a wolf from his imprint. Alpha orders dissolve if the imprint needs you." _Jared remained stoic, absorbed in the scene.

Baby Alpha did not glance in my direction, his attention aimed entirely on the two wolves thrashing each other on the ground. He knew I was going to tell her. I tried to read his emotions and was blocked.

She called again, more frantic. Ignoring the sounds coming from the pack circle, I ran back to the Black home.

* * *

When I neared the backyard, I tried to collect myself. We needed to talk. I had to tell her the truth. After putting my shorts on, I strode to the porch where she was sitting on the steps.

She looked like shit. Hair a mop of tangles, face splotchy from crying, and her knee bounced up and down. She was nervous.

"You came," she breathed out.

"I had to."

Her brow scrunched together, "You _had _to... why?"

Now or never. I sat on the step below her, making us eye level, and tried to calm down. My heart pounded in my chest. This might change things for the better, or make shit worse. At this point, I had no clue what the hell was going on. What she was thinking or what she wanted. The part of me that hated every bit of this imprint, of her, reared its ugly fucking head. I recognized it as me - the human me. The masochistic wolf snarled inside, creating a piercing sensation against my skull. I grasped the hair on my head and tugged so hard it blinded me for a millisecond.

"You wanna know why? Why I can't leave you alone? Why I heard you from miles away?" The tone I used was unfamiliar to her, it reeked of anger and resentment. She scoot away from me. I grabbed her leg, effectively holding her still. "I'm a shape-shifter. A spirit warrior. I was lucky enough to have the gene that was triggered by your precious fucking leeches. Junior, Sam, Embry... everyone you saw today is part of a pack. And you-" a hollow, disturbed laugh escaped me, "you are my imprint."

I let her go and waited for her to speak. The incessant biting of her nails grated my nerves. The wolf and the man were struggling against one another, ratcheting up these goddamn emotions.

"What's an imprint?" she asked.

"It means you're supposed to be my perfect match. The fucked up thing is, its not a full imprint. I'm drawn to you, and you are drawn to me."

She touched my shoulder. I didn't want to look into her eyes. Those deep, soulful eyes would make my resolve crumble. I had to be strong and she made me weak.

"It's not... It isn't real?" Bella whispered.

I shrugged, causing her to remove her fingers from my skin, "I don't know."

Neither of us spoke again. She was lost in her musings, and I didn't know what else to do. Her scent swirled around me, teasing my heightened senses. It was overpowering. If the soured odor of her confusion wasn't tainting her other emotions, I don't think I would have had the control to keep struggling the wolf and his wants.

I've asked myself time and time again, _Can I submit completely to this woman, to this imprint?_

Her feather light touch found its way to my tense back. Instantly making me pliable in her hands. Back and forth - hate to want - it made me feel as though I were going crazy. "You're right there, girl. As fucked up as this whole thing is, as infuriated as it makes me, you're still there with me. I don't know what I'm doing."

She pressed her forehead against me, "Me either."

* * *

Note:

_I know it's been a long time. Many apologies. I'm going to attempt to get on a schedule, every Sunday an update. Thank you for reading and for sticking with me._


	23. Chapter 20 Hearts

Note on bottom.

* * *

_"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."_

_― Oscar Wilde_

* * *

**Chapter 20 - Hearts**

* * *

**Bella**

The smell of coffee and bacon made my stomach rumble. It took me a minute to gather myself together and remember where I was. _Becc's and Rachel's old bedroom._ Seeing the Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, and various movie posters on the wall made me smile. The girls shared different interests than I did when we were younger; yet, we got along regardless during my Summer visits... Back when life wasn't complicated.

The door creaked open, and Billy wheeled in carrying a mug of coffee. He smiled warmly at me, "Morning. Food's ready."

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and carefully took the cup from his hand. "Thanks, Billy. I'll be out in a bit."

He nodded and wheeled back out of the room.

I wish there was an easy fix button I could push and make everything better. I hurt Jacob, whom I love. I feel like I'm hurting Paul in some way. These emotions toward him are beyond complex. The inexplicable draw I feel toward him. Then there is the imprint that still doesn't make sense. I had so many questions that were burning on my tongue; before I could ask him, a multitude of howls ripped through the sky. Paul mumbled under his breath then hugged me awkwardly and left. The sun began to set by the time I came back into the Black house.

My gut pinched again, reminding me to get off my butt and go eat.

Billy was waiting for me at the small kitchen table. Seeing him being so pensive, I remembered Charlie. I needed to call him. "Can I borrow your phone? I promised Dad I would keep in touch."

He gestured to the wall where the phone was located.

Charlie was animated as we talked. He enjoyed being busy, though the higher crime rate was a shock to him. As he talked, I remembered all too well the night in the alley when I was still obsessed with figuring out what the Cullen's were. A shiver ran through me. _What would Charlie have done if the worst happened? If Edward didn't save me in time?_

_"Bells! You there?"_

Clearing my head of those morbid scenarios, I tried to sound cheerful, "Yeah, I'm here. That's great, Dad. How much longer do you think you'll help the department over there?"

He mulled the inquiry over for a bit, _"I don't know. Maybe a couple of more days. Will you be alright by yourself? You could stay at Billy's you know."_

"I know. I'll be fine. See, I'm at Billy's now..." The panic set in instantly... I forgot to lock the door when I left - _Oh, crap!_ "Dad, I'm going back to the house soon. I just wanted to check in with you."

_"Alright then. Love ya, Bells. Call me tomorrow."_

"Got it. Love you too, Dad. Bye."

I rushed back to Becc's and Rachel's room, grabbing my shoes and stumbling to put them on. Billy stared at me, dumbfounded.

"I have to go home. I didn't lock the door, and I just left yesterday. I wasn't thinking," I tried to hurry through the explanation, then remembered that I didn't have my truck. My head started to hurt, and my stomach was killing me. "Billy, I need a ride..." The room tilted, blurring on the edges. I grabbed the counter and held myself steady.

"You need to sit, eat, and calm down. I'll get someone from the pack to go to Charlie's, and they can drive your truck down here as well."

There was nothing I could do except give in. All the weight I'd lost from those catatonic months made my body crave food on a starvation level. I was not taking care of myself. Billy regarded me while speaking to someone in hushed tones. Not bothering to think about how it may look, I inhaled the food.

* * *

Billy beamed at me, chuckling heartily. "I thought Jake was the only one who could put away food like that."

My cheeks tinged red, and I hid my face behind my hands. He laughed harder. "I'm so embarrassed."

"No need. I'm happy to have someone to cook for. Jacob was gone for-" he stopped himself from going further, seeing the devastated look on my face. It was difficult for me to think about Jacob, alone, and in misery after realizing the truth of the beginning of our friendship. _We still needed to talk._

"Billy... I'm sorry. About Jake - I mean I know he left, and he was hurting..." my voice caught in my throat. I wanted to tell him, to explain, apologize. He wheeled in closer to my side of the table and patted my hand affectionately.

"You don't have to apologize to me. I know about the allure that vampires can hold on humans. Yes, Harry and I tried to warn Charlie, without giving away any part of our tribe's secret. It was hard, mind you. I want to tell him everything. He's my best friend. Unfortunately, it isn't up to me. I am the Chief, but decisions such as those go through our Council and the vote has to be unanimous."

"I get it. Don't feel forced to share anything you're not allowed to." The last thing I wanted was for Billy to get in trouble because of me.

"You will hear all of this sooner or later. I just... I wanted you to grasp that this does pain me to keep from Charlie. He was thrilled when you began to open up to him. That man was the happiest I'd ever heard him on his drive to Port Angeles. He doesn't feel like he did when you were with Cullen - like he was a hairs breadth away from losing you."

The tears I was able to hold back slipped down my cheeks. I knew Charlie went through a lot when I was trapped in that horrific limbo of an existence. "It was wrong of me to want to die. When I was with Edward, and after he left me. I shouldn't have wanted to die; however, I did."

A roar of my truck's engine interrupted the conversation. I was drained, both mentally and emotionally. As much as I wanted to talk to Billy, and Jacob, I needed a shower and to rest in my own bed. I stood and squeezed Billy's shoulder, "I'll come back. I promise. This - everything - is a lot to process. I want to go home."

He pointed to the cabinet, "Jake left you a note before leaving this morning. Take it with you... Bella," he sighed, "listen to your heart. That's all I ask."

After tucking Jacob's letter in my back pocket, I jogged out the door and climbed into my truck.

* * *

**Seattle-Tacoma International Airport**

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have started our descent in preparation for landing. Please make sure your seats and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Please turn off all electronic devices until we are safely parked at the gate. The flight attendants are currently passing around the cabin to pick up any remaining cups and glasses."_

Jasper and Rosalie sat in coach, away from the rest of their Coven that was sitting in First Class. This was Alice's punishment for their lack of enthusiasm in regards to going back to Forks to make amends with Bella. Jasper picked the pen out of his pocket and grabbed the paper bag he found under the seat. He decided to write in a language long since forgotten to humans so none would understand if it were to be found.

_- I know that look on your face. What are you planning?_

Rosalie glanced at it quickly, and replied.

_- Clear your thoughts so you know who doesn't eavesdrop._

He nodded and recited military tactics in his mind from World War II. Living with a mind reader demanded they all find ways to ensure some semblance of privacy.

She scribbled down the one of the true reasons she stayed away from the mansion in Ithaca._ - I have been attempting to contact the Alpha since Emoward came back, but I have not been able to get a hold of him or any of his pack._

_- When will you try again?_

_- As soon as they say we can get off the plane, I am going to run straight through._

_- Including the Quileute border?_

_- Yes._

_- You're insane._

_- It's all I can do. If I don't, and they drag that girl back into this existence, I will never forgive myself. _

_- Well, I ain't letting a lady go by herself._

Rosalie grinned at him. - _Is the Major planning on escorting little ol' me?_

_- Yes, ma'am. _

_- We could get killed._

_- What else is new? _

_- We could be walking into a fight with a pack of dogs._

_- I'll be right there with you. The human should not be forced against her will to follow the golden boy and the midget. _

_- Mr. Whitlock, I do believe you have made fun of your wife._

Her soft laugh made him smirk. He rolled his eyes and snatched the pen from her hand. - _What are you going to tell the Bear?_

_- Nothing. He doesn't understand why I think this life is not enough._

_- Because he has you. _His fingertip whispered against her skin as he wrote, making her feel a burning ache. _I won't apologize._

Rosalie ignored the surfacing emotions. Now was not the time. They needed to be on the same page as far as crossing the border and breaking the treaty._ - If we come at them together, should we raise a white flag between us?_

Jasper snorted a laugh. - _With a peace symbol on it? It isn't the 70's, Rose_.

The flight attendant notified the passengers that they could unbuckle their seatbelts. Rosalie's eyes met Jasper's briefly, then they made their way to the _Exit -_ leaving behind their luggage, their significant others, and the rest of the coven.

* * *

Sorry for the slight delay. FFn was not letting me upload the chapter for some reason.

See you soon.


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